Page 106 of 4-Ever

Rae was still snoring away, sound asleep.

“Thanks.”

Brodie sat down, too, and leaned in, gripping my knee. “How come you never told him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Faise.” Brodie shook his head. “We were there. We witnessed your drug use going out of control. And every time we’d be out, and you saw Ronin with a guy, you hit it hard. It wasn’t difficult to figure out why you were struggling. I’m not saying your addiction was all him, but your feelings for him played into it.”

“I’m not denying that. But it’s not the whole story,” I replied. “And he didn’t see it. And I could never say. I mean, for what purpose? To ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had? And once we started, you know?—”

“Fucking,” Holls offered.

“Yes, fucking,” I sighed. “I didn't want him to know. Now he pities me. ‘Poor Faise, he wanted me all these years and never said, and screwed himself over’. Yeah, that’s attractive.”

“This is Ronin we’re talking about. He looks at you like you’re the fucking sun and the moon and the stars. All of it. I don’t think there’s anything you could do or say that would change how he feels about you,” Holls replied in a serious tone. “And take it from me, you can fight all you want, but your feelings win out in the end. It didn’t matter how much I wanted to run from Dawson, something called me back. And if you want Ro, if you love him, if you trust him, you gotta be open. About everything.”

I stared at Holls like I’d never seen him before. Brodie gave me the same look.

“Who are you right now?”

Holls stuck out his tongue.

“Oh, thank fuck, you’re still in there,” I teased and then reached for his shoulder, squeezing it.

“And thanks. You’re right.”

“I never get tired of hearing that,” Holls teased and leaned back. “But I’m tired. I’m gonna hit my bunk. You sure you’re all right?”

“I’ll be okay.” I nodded.

Brodie got up too. “Don’t worry. He’ll be back.”

Once my friends were gone, I closed my eyes, knowing in my gut that Brodie was right.

And finally, sleep came.

CHAPTER 34

RONIN

After I boarded the other bus, I searched the cabinets and found a dusty bottle of vodka and a clean glass.

I poured myself a double, no ice, and took a long swig, the alcohol burning away the lump of anxiety that was lodged in my throat. I still couldn't believe that my best friend had kept his feelings for me secret all those years.

Why hadn't he said anything? What did that say about our trust?

“Ro?”

I turned to find my sister standing at the end of the hallway, her phone in her hand.

“What are you doing here?” she asked me. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is—” God, where did I start? “I had a fight with Faise, and I needed some time alone. Sorry if I woke you.”

She shook her head, and walked closer, then pointed to the glass in my hand. “I was still awake. Are you going to share that bottle of vodka or do you plan to drink it all yourself?”

Instead of replying, I reached for another glass, poured her a double as well, then passed it over. She raised her glass, and I did the same, clinking them together and muttering the word ‘cheers’.

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