Page 6 of 4-Ever

“I’m gay. I don’t want to date girls. Like, ever.”

Faise stared at me for a split second and then nodded. “Okay.”

Then he walked back over to his drum kit and began to play again.

What the hell?

“Did you hear what I just said?” I asked.

He nodded and kept playing. “Yeah, you’re gay. I’m good.”

“You’re good? Just like that? I’ve known for almost a year, but I was too scared to say anything.”

“You know no matter what, we’re always gonna be best friends. Always. Nothing changes that.”

I nodded, relieved. God, I was so freaking relieved. I picked up my guitar and began to play along with him.

“You really don’t care?” I asked him.

Faise shook his head and grinned at me. “That you’re gay? No, I don’t. Whoever you like, you like. It’s cool.”

The weight I’d been carrying around finally lifted a little.

And then it got me thinking. I was curious about who Faise might be into. He was still kinda shy in school, and he kept his personal feelings close. He didn’t seem interested in either guys or girls, but not everyone had that figured out yet. We were only thirteen.

It didn’t matter anyway. I’d support him the same way he did me.

“So, pizza tonight?” Faise asked me, and I nodded in return.

I’d freaked out for nothing. Everything was fine, as it always was.

Until I got home and told my parents.

Faise

Ronin was always braver than me.

At school, when it came to music, when it came to anything.

Him telling me that he was gay sparked a panic inside me. Not that I had any issue with him being gay. Or that I let my anxiety show. But still, I was worried that he would somehow know that I felt the same way.

Like Ro, puberty hit me fast and hard this year and the changes in my body also gave me a realization.

I was queer. Gay.

But it was a truth that I didn’t dare voice to anyone.

While my parents were accepting people, I couldn’t recall anyone queer in my extended family. On either side. Mom was born in the U.S. to parents born and raised in Kashmir, India and my dad was from Northern Ireland. While my grandparents (on both sides) were what I would call conservative, my parents were not.

Still, I didn’t know what to do.

Bad enough that I wasn’t as book smart as my brother Rae. I’d let my parents down as soon as they found out I wanted to be a rockstar. Now this?

No. I wasn’t ready to come out yet. Maybe Ronin was ready to tell people in his life who he was, but I wasn’t. Which, for a moment, made me feel like a shitty person. But then I remembered that there was no timeline on this.

Right now, my focus was on supporting my best friend.

So, after we were done with music practice, I headed back with him to his apartment so he could change and grab his stuff for our weekend sleepover.

---