Page 107 of 4-Ever

Not that I felt like celebrating. Room temperature vodka was my consolation drink, not the kind meant for good times.

“You want to talk about it?” she asked, sipping on her drink.

“Not now.”

She nodded and took a seat on the nearby sofa. It was the same layout as the other tour bus. Only quieter. Cleaner, too.

Hey, we’re four rockstars on the road. What do you expect?

“So, you couldn’t sleep?”

Duh, Ronin. Ask the obvious question.

“Nope. I was thinking about the past few months,” she started. “Wondering why I put up with Dallas’s behavior. And the answer finally dawned on me tonight of all nights. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I was so desperate to hold on to the idea of him. Sticking it out, for better or worse. Or, in my case, just the worse part. I wasn’t going to be like Dad and up and leave someone I loved, even if he was bad for me. Nope, I’d hold on to my relationship. I could make it work. Pride. It was all about pride. And insecurity.”

I was the opposite. I never wanted to be in a relationship to begin with. But Ciara was right. Losing our dad made me wary. And guilty. He hadn’t been that involved in our life before he left, but my coming out pushed him over the edge.

Faise was right. If you leave, or you don’t get involved in the first place, you don’t get left behind.

She took another sip and sighed. “Dad’s rejection did a number on all of us. Left us with a hurt that still hasn’t quite healed. And then, the one time I let my guard down, and finally let someone in, look what happened.”

“You’ve been afraid to let anyone get close. ‘Cause when you do, you give your whole heart. Everything. And that’s scary as fuck.”

She stared at her glass, then back at me. “It is scary. But it shouldn’t be, not with the right person. Or if it is, it should be worth the risk.”

“You always see the best in people. You did the same thing with Dallas. Did he know about Dad?”

She nodded.

“I’m sure he found a way to use that against you, consciously or not. He had you convinced that you couldn’t live without him.”

“He did. For a while. Until the first time he hit me. Then I realized, in my heart, that the whole thing was so wrong. But, by that time, I was so far in, I didn’t know how to get out.”

“You came to me. You got out.”

She nodded and ran a hand through her hair. “I guess I did. Took me a while, though.”

“Not everything works itself out in a day.”

“Thank you for always being there. I probably haven’t said it often enough,” Ciara gave me a small smile. “I’m going to be okay.”

“Yes, you will.”

“And I’m happy to see you happy. And you and Faise have each other. That man loves you like crazy.”

He did. But shit, just thinking about our fight, I…

“I found out something tonight,” I confessed. “And I feel like shit. I should’ve been there for him. I mean, I was, sort of, just not in the way he needed. And I don’t know why he kept things from me.”

Ciara leaned forward, taking my hand. “I’m sure you did the best you could at the time. You’re not a mind reader.”

“I guess.”

“Aren’t you better off talking this out with him?”

My sister looked at me in a way I hadn’t seen in a long time, her blue eyes sharp and knowing. She had a way of cutting through the bullshit that I admired.

I nodded.

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