Page 57 of Always Right

All over fear.

Such a stupid, selfish, reason.

I watched as his attention turned back to the receptionist, her smile wide and...flirty. Her eyes twinkled as he spoke to her, gesturing toward our daughters and she smiled, her hand on her chest as she surely told him how cute they were.

Evie nudged me with her elbow, forcing my eyes away from Derek and to the beautiful view outside.

"C'mon, I want to show you something." She pulled my hand, waving to Derek and Nathan before guiding me down a hallway and out a door. We stood on a balcony, the view of snow covering every inch of the horizon, reflecting the bright full moon and the stars. It was a beautiful sight, being surrounded by mountains...by nature.

“It’s gorgeous, isn’t it? I can’t believe I don’t remember the first time we were here.”

I smiled, remembering that visit to the Rocky Mountain state so many years ago when she was not much older than Lily. Our mother had brought us for a business deal disguised as a winter vacation...and for a few days, I was able to see a side of my mother that wasn’t forced. That wasn’t fake.

“Mom looked happy here,” I told her. Evie raised an eyebrow, her eyes lighting up with my words. We always remembered mom for the pain, never for the good times. “I remember you were so excited to play in the snow. You threw yourself in it without a care in the world and made snow angels. Nana watched you and then she gave me a little push. Carter held my hand and dragged me to the snow.”

“Did you make snow angels too?” she asked, grinning.

“I did.” Evie squealed, linking her arm with mine. “I’m not sure what Nana said to her, but she sat down next to her and watched us. She laughed and smiled...and that’s the last time I remember seeing her so happy.”

Evie hummed, leaning against the balcony, lost in thought for a few minutes. Our mother had been far from perfect, but Evie deserved to know that it wasn't all bad.

Not all the time.

"I know she wasn't my biological mom...but I wish I would have seen that side of her," she whispered.

"She wasn't a woman to show many emotions," I replied.

"How do you think mom would feel about all the hickeys on your neck?" Evie wiggled her eyebrows, shocking me with her question. I stared at her with my jaw on the floor and then laughed, nudging her gently. "I think she would disown you."

"Mom would have disowned me a long, long time ago."

Evie laughed, but I could see the worry. The questions.

"Just ask..." I said, fixing my gaze on the mountains ahead.

"No...I..." Evie sighed, clearing her throat before forcing the question out of her lips. "Did you guys use protection?" I could feel the heat rushing to my face but Evie continued. "Because I can tell things aren't okay with you two and there's already two girls involved and—"

"I have an IUD," I replied. "We're good."

"Are you, though?"

No.

I avoided her eyes, knowing I couldn't answer truthfully because I didn’t know the answer. I wasn't sure what was happening anymore.

"It was a one time thing."

Evie snorted, the sound very unladylike and shook her head. "Is that what you're telling yourself?"

I bit the inside of my cheek as I found the courage to say the words out loud. "Derek told me he couldn't do it—this. He doesn't think I'd be happy trying to have a relationship and the back and forth is messing with his sobriety so..."

"He's walking away," she finished. "I'm sorry, Hannah."

"It's for the best, I think."

"You think?"

"I don't know. I'm torn between love and fear and fear is winning."

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