Page 56 of Always Right

Ah...there it is.

I forced myself to swallow the lump in my throat and laid on my back, staring at the ceiling as if it would offer a solution to our situation. The bridge between us was too damn fragile.

“I can’t do the back and forth,” I admitted. I heard her quick intake of breath, but this time it was me who couldn’t look at her. If I saw her crying, I’d want nothing more than to pull her into my arms again. “It’s not good for me...for my sobriety.”

“I know,” she whispered. Hannah sat up, pulling the sheets over her naked body. “I’m so messed up...beyond repair.”

“Hey,” I said, taking her arm in my hand as she tried to get up and run like she always did. She landed on the bed with a bounce, but all amusement was gone. She was trying to shield herself once again...and I’d be damned if I let her. “We’re all a little fucked up, Hannah...but I meant every single thing I said last night.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line and she shot me an annoyed glare. “Well, you did fuck the anger out of me and now all that’s left is fear so...”

I smiled.

Perhaps the anger was gone but the rest of it...the trauma and the heartbreak still loomed over us. I watched as she sat against the headboard, leaning her head back with her eyes closed...thinking. I brushed her hair back, but she didn’t say a word.

“I meant it when I said it, Hannah...I love you.” She swallowed, looking back at me with a broken expression. “I have always loved you...from the moment I met you. I know I will never love someone else. You’re it for me.”

“Derek...” I stopped her. I didn’t need her to say anything, didn’t need her explanations. What I needed was to tell her the truth, one that neither of us wanted to accept.

“I’ve never been as happy as I am with you.” I smiled, the memories of the times we’d spent together rushing through my mind. “But Hannah...I want your happiness too. If this no longer gives you happiness, then I don’t want it.”

She winced, squeezing her eyes shut as she let out a breath, like the words hurt her. And maybe they did, but I could see a sense of relief relaxing her expression, like the mere thought of that being an option gave her some ease.

For me...well, for me it hurt like a bitch.

“I rather not have you with me and see you happy, than for you to be near me and causing you pain. I love you...it’s as simple as that. But I want you to love yourself, too.” She looked down at her hands, biting down on her lip as if keeping herself from crying. “This all goes deeper than what happened between us, baby...you know that. It stems from our childhood...from all the shit we’ve been through both together and alone. But you don’t have to work through it alone. I can be there for you, holding your hand to help you.”

“Why has it been so hard?” The whispered question gave way to her emotions when her voice faltered. Teary-eyed, Hannah looked up at me, searching for an answer. I cradled her face in my hands, pressing kissing her one last time. She didn’t fight it, even when her tears fell.

I didn’t bother with an answer. Instead, I stood, walking away from her.

She was quiet. She didn’t say a word as my hand turned the doorknob.

She didn’t even ask for time.

Her decision was clear as day.

I hoped...prayed, walking away from her was the right choice...

Because it sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

Chapter 20

Hannah

Colorado was a winter wonderland. I couldn't help the smile on my face despite the chaos the last few hours had brought. Surrounded by the mountains, I was sure I could at least try to forget.

My gaze met Derek's who checked in with the receptionist at the resort, pain in his eyes despite forcing a small smile in my direction. It tugged at my heart.

We hadn’t seen each other since two nights ago…hadn’t talked. He’d only checked in on the girls and left.

He was letting me go.

I could see it, feel it, in the way that he kept his distance from me the whole flight. I could sense it by the way he kept his ear buds in despite sitting next to me.

He didn't even try to talk to me.

Yeah...I was broken. But I had broken him, too.

---