“I know...but with kids in the picture he’s stuck.”
Ouch.
The words hurt. They knocked the wind out of my lungs.
She could be talking about anyone.
I repeated those words in my head, hoping I was right, and that Lisa wasn’t pulling the rug from underneath my feet like she had done so many months ago.
“Of course he doesn’t trust her. She fucked him over twice already. He’s just doing what he needs to do to be close to her kids. He doesn’t trust her judgment.”
My eyes fluttered closed and my hand covered my mouth, suppressing the pained whimper that was about to leave my lips. Lisa laughed, the sound sending a chill down my spine because it didn’t sound real. It didn’t sound like her.
“He’s taking her home tonight so...I mean...he’s getting something out of it.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I walked into the office, unable to hide my pained expression when she looked at me, quickly saying goodbye and hanging up the call.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, quickly shutting the door behind me. “Where’s Derek?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I blinked away my tears, my hands balled into fists. I wanted to flee, but I wouldn’t do it without letting her know how badly she’d hurt me...again. Even if she didn’t give a single fuck because clearly, she didn’t. “I’m such an idiot, believing him...believing you. Right? So damn easy to fool...all because I’ve always needed a little love. How foolish. How stupid.”
“Hannah, listen...I—"
“Save it, Lisa. I’m done. I’m fucking done with all the bullshit. I won’t be made a fool, not again.”
I almost convinced myself there was shame in her eyes…regret but I chalked it up to my overactive imagination, always hoping for more.
“It’s not what you think,” she said, swallowing. “Please...don’t tell Derek, I--”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “Go to hell, Lisa. And stay the fuck out of my life.”
Chapter 18
Hannah
Pulling the blanket over my head, I covered my ears, trying to ignore the loud sound of Derek’s hands banging against the front door. I could hear him calling out my name, fury seeping through every syllable as he yelled, demanding that I open the door. It was clear that he didn’t give a damn if the neighbors called the cops. It was clear he wasn’t going to leave.
“Open the goddamn door, Hannah!”
I fought back tears as I dragged myself off the sofa, hoping I could keep myself together long enough to confront him. Afraid he would cause more of a scene, I opened the door. I glared at him, but he walked past me and turned on the light in the house as if he owned the place. His gaze settled on the blankets on the sofa, then on me, his eyes narrowing when he saw the redness in my own.
It was obvious I had been crying and knowing me as well as he did, he would know something was wrong. I just didn’t want to bother to explain anymore.
Every time I opened my heart to him, the world came crashing down on me, and I couldn’t take it anymore.
Derek sighed. He ran a hand over his face, his exhaustion obvious. He didn’t want to fight but fighting was all I had left. Fighting was better than crying and anger was better than pain. Derek reached out, ready to touch me, ready to caress my face but I moved away from him, forcing myself to believe that I didn’t want him near me.
“What do you want, Derek? It’s late.”
The concern in his eyes soon gave way to disappointment. I told myself it would be easier that way—if he hated me, if he was as angry as I was it would be easier to keep up the façade.
“Why the fuck did you leave like that?” His voice tore at my insides because even though the disappointment was present, so was the pain. He was too transparent, too much like Evie. Derek couldn’t hide what he felt. “Hannah, answer me. What the hell happened?”
He studied me, his eyes roaming my face as his lips pressed together, fully aware we had taken ten steps back.
I could see him giving up.
And I…I was tired of walking on shards of glass around him, fucking bleeding out for him only for it to backfire on me.