Page 23 of Always Right

I hated it.

I loved it.

“Do you ever wonder?” My words were quiet...I wasn’t sure what the hell I was thinking, digging into that territory, into our past like it wouldn’t hurt, but I did it anyway.

Lightning flashed outside, brightening up the world around us, but I didn’t react, not when his eyes were still on me…so feverish.

“Do I wonder what?”

I let the darkness make me brave. I turned around, and though the house was dark, I could see his eyes, shining. Intense.

“What it would be like if we were together? If none of it would have happened.”

I wasn’t sure what I expected him to say. The silence surrounding us was deafening and heavy with unspoken words, but it was the ones he did say that ended it all.

“Does it make a difference if I do wonder?”

My stomach dropped.

I shook my head, disbelief flooding every cell in my body as I realized I’d let myself be vulnerable. I could feel him studying me, trying to read me, trying to understand me so I turned away, knowing that if I let him, he would peel away all the layers that kept me together.

“Stupid question, right?” I said, walking past him.

“Only if you don’t truly want to know the answer to it.”

“What makes you think I don’t want to know the answer?”

He smiled, that smile that told me he had me exactly where he wanted me. The smile that told me that things weren’t over.

It was enough to send my heart racing.

“You’re not ready.”

I’m not.

Derek knew me, more than I liked to admit. I turned around, once again putting distance between us and heard him sigh, the frustration evident in the sound.

I’m such a pain in the ass.

“It’s late,” I whispered, “I think you should leave.”

Derek nodded once, heading toward the door without much hesitation. He knew we would get nowhere—that he was right. I wasn’t ready. He knew better than to push for anything, though part of me wanted him to. Part of me wanted him to tear those walls down without a care.

He stopped at the door, looking at me for a few seconds before speaking again.

“All you have to do is tell me what you need, Hannah, and I’ll give it to you.”

Oh, his words were full of promise...his eyes were too. I knew if I gave in...

“I can’t,” I whispered. I didn’t miss the longing in his eyes, didn’t miss the way his eyes dropped to my lips just briefly.

I wanted him to do it.

I wanted him to take the step because I knew I wouldn’t. Instead, Derek leaned in, his hand cupping my cheek before he tilted my face up to see him...and I didn’t push him away. Entranced by his touch, hypnotized by his adoring gaze, I stayed glued to my place, getting lost in those emerald depths that held so much power over me.

“One day, I’ll kiss you again. And it won’t be because I want it. It’ll be because you need it. It’ll be because you’re done fighting. But until that day comes...I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as I have to.”

He walked away then, leaving me standing there as his SUV backed out, hoping...wishing, he had kissed me. Because if he had...I would have caved.

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