Page 16 of Always Right

I laughed softly and he gave me a gentle hug, one of the rare ones between us.

Funny, how we spent years married barely able to utter a word to each other and yet there he was, giving me the advice no one else dared to.

“I’m scared, Nathan. I can’t handle another heartbreak and Evie—"

“Don’t worry about Evie,” he interrupted. “Yes, Evie will be affected but this isn’t about her. It’s about you, your girls. We’re worried about you. We don’t want to lose the person that we know you are. Do it for you. Do it for your own sanity, because this...this isn’t living.”

He squeezed my arm before walking to his desk, sitting on the chair before looking back up at me. He nodded toward the door, the silent command telling me it was time to go home. I did, knowing that the only thing that would make me feel any better would be to have my girls in my arms.

***

The body can respond to threats in three different ways: fight, flight or freeze.

As I saw Derek’s car parked in Evie’s driveway, mine got stuck on freeze. I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to breathe, not if that meant seeing him. I’d done well keeping my distance from him, but Nathan was right.

I couldn’t do this forever.

Memories flashed through my mind; the memory of his touch, of his kisses, of his sweet words as he made love to me. Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the seat, waiting for the nerves to subside before I could step out of the car. When I was able to move, I held my coat tight around my body as if it had the power to hold me together. I entered the house quietly, the sound of Derek’s voice forcing me to still. He laughed softly and one of the girls cooed while the other one squealed, the sound making the butterflies in my stomach take flight.

I watched him with the girls, both of them staring up at him as they laid on the sofa in front of him. He kissed their little feet, then their bellies, blowing raspberries on them and they squealed again.

I couldn't move, holding on to the memory, just like the many others I seemed to keep.

Derek looked up, his gaze finding mine from across the room, his eyebrows raising when he saw me just...standing there. I cleared my throat, running my hands over my arms...hoping he would break the silence.

I sure as hell couldn't, not with the lump in my throat.

"You're early."

I swallowed, nodding before approaching them. "Yeah...uh...Boss's orders."

He hummed, eyes set on me as I knelt next to the sofa, my own set on my girls. Their onesies barely fit anymore, a reminder of how fast time was passing, slipping right through my fingers.

"They just ate. Evie is in bed already. I told her I'd wait until you got home."

I wanted to thank him. I wanted to say a lot but instead I picked up Annie, cuddling her as she squirmed in my arms. Little Isa's hand took hold of my finger and I smiled, allowing their love to flow through me.

There wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for them.

I'd walk through flames for them and once I was on the other side, if necessary, I would do it again. Derek stood up, getting their diaper bag ready, as if he'd been doing this since they were born. It was like he was wrapping a hand around my throat and squeezing.

Seeing him as a dad, at ease...it reminded me of everything we couldn't have. He took Isa in his arms, setting her in the car seat and wordlessly, took Annie from me and did the same.

All I could do was watch.

And dream.

Dream of a life in which this wasn't temporary.

He helped me set the girls in the car, saying his goodbyes with a small kiss while I waited...and waited.

I looked down at the ground, my mind racing. It was hard. Hard to be around him...hard to force myself to hate him because the truth was...I didn't.

I can't.

"Evie’s having a family brunch tomorrow. Will you be there?"

My head snapped up at his voice, words failing me as he arched a perfect brow. He shoved his hands in his jeans, waiting.

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