Page 15 of Always Right

“No. I haven’t talked to him.”

Nathan nodded. He didn’t need me to answer the question, he already knew.

It had been seven days. Seven days since Derek found out Annie and Isa existed. Seven days since I had last seen him.

Seven days that he’d shown up to see them.

I avoided him like the plague, letting him see them at Evie’s or Deborah’s, but not while I was around. Just the picture that Evie had sent me with him carrying them for the first time was enough to claw at my insides.

Seven days since I’d last heard his voice.

“When are you planning on discussing your...arrangement? He can’t keep going to my house to see the girls just because you’re angry.”

“If it bothers you, I’ll figure something out.”

Nathan raised his hands, waving a white flag. He wasn’t there to fight...but that was my only reaction lately. I could almost see him reconsidering this conversation. There was a small tug at my heart. He was my friend after all.

“You know...the opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. If you didn’t feel anything...nothing at all for him, then maybe we’d all believe this little act you have going on. But we all know you better. It’s your own fault really. You let us in. You let everyone get to know the real you...the one you kept hidden for years so this,” he gestured toward me, waving off whatever act I had going on, “we all know this is fake. It’s pain. Resentment. It’s fear. You’re not fooling anyone.”

“I’m not trying to fool anyone.”

Nathan shrugged. “Only yourself. We all see through you, and I can guarantee, Derek does, too.”

I stood up, walking past him and to the coat rack, pulling it on and tying it around my body. He didn’t say a thing, watching me silently as I prepared to leave. If that’s what he wanted, he was getting it. I didn’t want to listen to reason, and Nathan, he was the epitome of it.

“He’s not going to push, you know that, right? He’s giving you space. He thinks that’s what you want.”

“It is what I want.”

He sighed, looking out the window to the night sky. “Those girls...I know you love them. But they will grow up one day. And I don’t mean when they’re adults. I mean when they are four or five...they’ll sense things. Children are smart. Intuitive. They’ll know something is wrong when their mom can’t be in the same room as their father.”

I didn’t miss the accusation in his tone.

He was right after all...it wouldn’t be for Derek’s lack of trying. I bit down on my lip, waiting for him to continue. He didn’t mean harm, but it didn’t mean the words didn’t hurt.

Maybe I am turning into my mother after all.

“You and Derek are a fucking mess, Hannah. You have more drama than Evie and I ever did and none of us can ever begin to understand what it’s been like to walk in your shoes. I sure as hell don’t and maybe I’m out of line, but I say this because I want the best for you. You’re family after all. I want to see you happy.”

“How am I supposed to do that? Hm?” I turned around, meeting his gray eyes. Sincerity poured out of every single word. “How am I supposed to be happy when my life is falling apart. It took me a long time to get back on my feet and now my foundation is cracking. How the hell do I do it?”

He thought about it. I could tell he was thinking about it hard. He didn’t know the answer to my question...no one did. No one could tell me how to do it, and yet he stood there, actually trying to think of something to say. And I waited. I waited because anything was better than the hell I was living in.

Nathan nodded once, with a quiet sigh...as if agreeing with himself.

“You take the olive branch offered.” Approaching me, he placed his hands on my shoulders, eyes set on mine with a sad smile on his face. “You take the olive branch and hope for the best.”

Simple.

So goddamn simple, yet so painful.

“It’s not that easy,” I whispered.

“I know. Forgiving isn’t easy. Trusting isn’t easy. None of it is. But you’re living a shell of a life, guarding yourself all the time. That’s not life. You’re supposed to cry, supposed to be angry. You’re supposed to fall, then dust yourself off and get back up again. You’re strong, Hannah. You can do it.”

I swallowed thickly. “I feel like I stepped into quicksand and I’m drowning, with nothing to hold on to.”

“Then take the fucking olive branch.”

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