Page 63 of Always Right

I walked toward my bedroom, sitting on the bed and running my hands through my hair.

It was bullshit.

All of it was.

Life had dealt us shitty cards and expected us to deal with them...didn’t even give us a goddamn manual.

How the hell were we going to figure it out?

How the hell was she supposed to mend a heart that had been broken continuously for years?

“Bullshit,” I muttered, taking off my jacket and tossing it to the sofa by the window.

Coming to terms with reality, no matter how many times I told myself it was for the best, was harder than I thought. I could lie to myself all day long and tell myself it was best for Hannah, but deep down I knew it wasn’t. I knew it would never be over between us.

“Happy New Year’s,” she said, her voice soft as she stood by the door. I looked up only to find her playing with the delicate lace of the dress. Her eyes were swollen and the little makeup she had on was gone, leaving behind the Hannah only I knew. “You know...Dylan asked why there wasn’t a piano in every cabin.”

Shit.

I’d made the request as soon as I found out we would be sharing a cabin. It would be my Christmas gift to her…helping her find her voice through the piano.

“Really?” I asked, not bothering to look at her.

She nodded, walking into the bedroom with caution. “They told him they did their best to accommodate requests, but they had to be done at least 24 hours in advance.” I hummed, taking off my watch and setting it on the nightstand . “But I didn’t request a piano, and the girls can’t talk so...”

Was it you?

I could hear her question though I would never answer it. Not if she didn’t ask directly.

“Do you need anything, Hannah? Because I’ve barely managed to get any sleep and it would be nice to get some shut eye.” My words came out harsher than I intended, making her expression falter, but the heartbreak in her eyes was quickly tearing me apart. She didn’t realize what the sight of her pain did to me.

Hannah blinked rapidly, tears welling in her eyes once again.

“I just...I...”

“You what, Hannah? Came to wish me a happy new year? Came to have a heart to heart? What is it?”

She let out a humorless laugh, looking away briefly, her eyes landing on the window. “I know I’m a mess,” she said, her voice breaking. “I’m a mess, a certified disaster but I don’t want you to let me go.” Hannah shook her head, sniffing as she wiped away a tear. "You're avoiding me, you're walking away from me and maybe it's too late but I realized I don't want you to."

I scoffed, running a hand over my face with a quiet groan. "I can't do this—whatever the hell it is—anymore, Hannah. It's driving me fucking crazy. "

Biting down on her lip, Hannah stood there, across the room, heartbroken and afraid. She wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore.

I stood up, rubbing my fingers against the palm of my hand, trying not to lose my shit as she quietly cried in front of me but I lacked control when it came to her. My will—everything was gone if she wasn’t okay.

“I’m not sure what you want, Hannah. You want to keep your distance, I’m fucking trying and you seek me out. You say you’re too afraid of getting hurt and yet you’re here. So what the hell do you want? Because for the life of me, I can’t figure you out.”

Her throat moved as she swallowed and she didn’t say a word, nothing for a few seconds...minutes, who the hell knows. All I knew was that it felt like an eternity, as her quiet sobs filled the room. I paced, waiting, hoping she’d speak and put us both out of our misery—either burn what was left of the bridge left between us, or mend it.

“I want you.” The words sliced through the thick air like a knife, piercing straight through my chest and making me freeze in place. Hannah let out a whimper, her hand on her chest as she continued.

“I want you more than anything because I love you more than I thought was possible and it is terrifying. You’ve had my heart in your hands for so many years and I can’t get it back. And the funny thing is...I don’t want to get it back.” Hannah shook her head, her sadness palpable, knocking the air out of my chest.

Was she really saying this?

“And I couldn’t let the year end and another begin without you knowing what you mean to me, Derek. I love you. I always have and I always will.”

Her brown eyes peered at me through the tears, waiting, hoping...for what? I wasn’t sure. And all I could do was stand there like an idiot, without knowing what to do with her words because she’d said them before—we both had, but never had there been such a sense of certainty like in that moment. So many goddamn questions rushed through my mind but as I met her saddened gaze, I knew...I fucking knew I couldn’t turn her away.

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