Page 34 of Never Less

“You’re… sorry?”

I sit back on my heels, trying to put distance between us. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Marcus. I don’t… I don’t want to toy with you like this. It’s not fair of me.”

“Do I need to remind you that I’m the one who asked you to come in here?” He grips my chin, tilting it upward until I’m looking at him. “And I know that, where your future is concerned, this doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

“But—”

“No buts, Liliana. I’m a grown man. I can make my own decisions and deal with the consequences.”

Marcus’s voice is firm, and that does things to me that it shouldn’t. I lean into his hand, wondering if I could keep this a secret. If I want to keep it a secret. If I want to ditch all my plans, everything that feels safe to me, and run straight into the unknown.

“I need to… I need to go to bed.” Standing, I stumble away from him.

He also feels safe, my mind whispers.

Marcus steps toward me, concern etched into his features with a hint of regret. “Liliana, if I shouldn’t’ve—”

“No!”

“I got caught up in the moment. I never should’ve asked you to come in here.”

“No, Marcus.” I place a hand on his chest, realizing too late that it’s a mistake. That I like my hand there, pressed up against his bare skin. “This isn’t… this isn’t your fault. I just have a lot of thoughts, but I don’t regret it. Not… not because of Nate.”

The line between his brows deepens. “Then—”

“Not now, Marcus. Please not now. I need to… I don’t know. I need to go.”

My hand slips from his chest, and I sprint away, not stopping until I’ve locked myself in the guest room. I press my back against the door and sink to the floor, hitting my forehead against my knees repeatedly.

It’s not for a solid fifteen minutes of fighting off tears that I realize I never got a book from the library, and that it doesn’t matter anyway, because I’d never be able to concentrate after what I just did.

Chapter eleven

Liliana

In the morning, Marcus leaves before I get up. I’m awake, of course, but I haven’t been able to convince myself to get out of bed. Facing Marcus after my mini meltdown last night feels too hard. He came all over me, and then I basically started crying. God, I probably made him feel awful.

When I hear him pull out of the driveway, I finally manage to sit up. It hurts a little that he left without even texting me to tell me where he’s going, but maybe another work emergency came up. Or… maybe he doesn’t want to face me, either.

I peer out the window while I’m brushing my teeth. The wind is still going strong. Fallen branches litter the neighborhood, and everything is soaked. Based on the dark clouds, it’ll probably start raining again soon.

It takes longer than normal for me to get dressed. I think part of me is hoping that by taking my time, the whole day will pass by, and then I can crawl back into bed.

The fact that I cheated on Nate isn’t even what’s bugging me. I mean, it is, but it’s more that I cheated in general. I’ve always prided myself on being loyal. While I know deep down that Nate deserves this—it’s what he did to me, after all—it’s the principle of it. I never thought I’d cheat, and though I let myself believe that I wasn’t actually doing anything in the moment, I knew it was a lie.

I cheated, plain and simple. Even if it’s justified, toying with Marcus like this isn’t what I want. He’s too good to be led on. I don’t care what he said last night. He deserves someone who can make decisions. Who can commit to him instead of crying to him about his asshole of a son.

Downstairs, I pour myself a cup of coffee. Part of me hopes that the storm ruined Nate’s backpacking trip, and when I check my phone, I realize I have a text from him.

Nate: Storm was bad enough that we had to head back. Stayed at a motel last night. It looks like it’ll pass in a few hours, so we’re gonna head back out then. Won’t be home until tomorrow morning.

Gross. Hiking through mud all day and then sleeping on the wet ground? Not my idea of a good time. But it’s not the first time Nate has stayed out during bad weather.

I’m kind of grateful for it, though. Even though my boyfriend apparently prefers hiking through mud and rain over spending time with me, it gives me more time to sort out my thoughts.

Liliana: Thanks for the update.

A couple seconds later, my phone rings, and I stare at it in surprise. After the not-even-bare-minimum text I got last night, Nate calling me is the last thing I was expecting, but here we are. I take the call and hold the phone to my ear.

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