Page 72 of Gridlocked on the Gridiron

She had feelings for him that went far deeper than friendship. Feelings that were deeper than a casual hookup, and terrifyingly enough, deeper than anything she’d felt for Max. Increasingly, she was beginning to understand the difference between the coldness of her first love and real, heartwarming love.

This relationship, whatever it was, had the potential to hurt her far more than she’d ever been hurt. Maybe even more than all of her father’s heartbreaks. And that was far too scary a thought to entertain. She wouldn’t let herself get hurt ever again. She needed to look out for herself, even if it meant losing someone who’d become so important to her. Because if she waited any longer, she might hit the point of no return, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that.

I will not play the fool, she reminded herself. She repeated the mantra until she fell asleep. I will not play the fool. I will not be my father. I will not play the fool. I will not be my father.

Chapter twenty-six

Colton

Colton had arrived early to Lucia’s house, and she’d texted him to come inside. They had an hour or so before they had to be at Devin’s for his New Year’s party, and Colton was excited to start the year with Lucia at his side. He walked up to her door and knocked, wishing he’d had the foresight to bring her flowers. She’d been distant since returning from Philadelphia a week earlier, more pensive. Maybe she needed a sign that things were going to be okay. More than okay, actually, since they’d clinched the top seed for the playoffs.

All those thoughts left him as the door swung open. Lucia stood in front of him in yoga pants and his Sabers sweatshirt, her hair in a messy bun—absolutely breathtaking. But what stood out the most to him were her eyes. They were red, and the minute he realized it was because she’d been crying, he stepped inside her house, shut her door, and placed his hands on either side of her face, taking in everything from her hair down to her toes to figure out what was wrong.

“What happened, pretty girl?” he asked, worry lacing every word.

Lucia closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. After a moment, she moved away from him, and something like foreboding swirled in his stomach.

“I just wanted to tell you how much I’ve appreciated you. Everything you’ve done for me. I know it was because you wanted to get back at Max, but it’s been”—she stifled a sob—“a pleasure to pretend to date you, Colton Beaumont.”

His heart stopped. Nothing she’d just said made sense. There was a disconnect between her words and her demeanor, and Colton was struggling to put it all together. He used his thumbs to swipe the tears from under her eyes.

“It wasn’t just because I wanted to get back at Max, Luc. It hasn’t been about that for a while.”

He’d apparently said the wrong thing, because she only sobbed harder. He didn’t know how to help, so he gathered her in his arms and held her close to him, the strawberry scent of her shampoo calming him. She didn’t pull away, her arms locking around him as she cried into his dress shirt.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Luc. Please.”

She pulled back from his arms, walking toward her kitchen. The space between them felt like an ocean that Colton couldn’t cross, no matter how hard he might’ve tried. She rested her hands on her kitchen counter, her back to him.

“I can’t keep doing it. I’m sorry, Colton. I really am. But I can’t go until playoffs. It’s too hard.”

Colton felt sandpaper grating in the back of his throat. He tried to clear it, but nothing helped.

“What are you saying?”

Even though his body seemed to comprehend what she had said, his mind was moving too slowly. Hadn’t they agreed to January? He’d thought he had at least another week or two. What had changed? And if this was something she wanted, why did she seem so sad?

She didn’t respond.

“Luc, what are you saying? I thought we agreed to playoffs. Where is this coming from?”

Her body shook, and the effort it took not to follow her into the kitchen and gather her in his arms again almost broke him, but he was trying to respect the distance she seemed desperate to put between them.

“I just went home, and I saw my dad, and I remembered everything with Max, and I just can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t do it, Colt. I don’t want to lose you, and if I continue to try to keep it together, I know I will. I can’t let myself hurt like that again.” Her voice was strangled, and her body was wracked with sobs.

Lose him? She could never lose him. She could do almost anything to him and she wouldn’t lose him. A life without Lucia didn’t make sense to Colton.

“Lose me? Sweet girl, you could never lose me. I’ll always be here for whatever you need. You have to know that.”

She was silent for a few moments before turning around and facing him, tears still streaming down her face. She shook her head once.

“I have to do what’s best for us. We blurred the lines too much. It’s only a week sooner than we said, right? Wasn’t this always the plan?”

Screw the plan. He didn’t care about the dumb parameters they’d set. He didn’t care about any of it if it meant not keeping her in his life.

She continued, “We can continue doing our sessions like normal, but no need to keep going out and doing stuff together. The press will figure it out sooner or later, but for now, they’ll just assume we’re too busy with playoffs.”

Despite the heater that hummed to life, Colton felt oddly cold. He couldn’t find the words to express to her that this wasn’t what he wanted. Not at all.

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