Page 80 of Love, Remember Me

CHAPTER 13

WHATdo you mean, 'you know'?" Catherine Howard demanded nervously of her friend Nyssa de Winter.

The two young women were walking together along the sandy beach. Although the day was fair, the flat white horizon indicated that the weather would soon change. It was their last day at Hull. Tomorrow they would move on again, heading south for the capital. It had not been easy to get the queen all to herself, but Nyssa had made certain that Tom Culpeper would not be left behind today when the king went fishing. Last night at the banquet she had innocently told the king that she had heard that Master Culpeper was a fisherman par excellence, yet, she said, wide-eyed, she had seen no evidence of it to date. The king had absolutely insisted that Master Culpeper join him on their last day, much to Nyssa's delight. The handsome man had glared angrily at her.

Nyssa had coaxed the queen out into the fresh air, and Cat, her boredom beginning to settle in again, had gone willingly. The other ladies were just as glad to be left behind. Walking in the sunshine was not an activity most of them endorsed. Tomorrow they would be on the road again, and there would be no delightful interludes until they reached Windsor.

Now, Catherine Howard, her blue velvet skirts blowing about her, repeated her question. "You know what?"

"About you and Tom Culpeper," Nyssa replied.

"I do not know to what you refer," the queen said coldly.

"Cat, I saw you together." Nyssa's cheeks grew pink with the recollection. "There was no mistaking what you were doing. I did not mean to spy, I swear it! I came to fetch you one day in York when the king was out hunting and I had remained behind because I had a headache. When my head felt well enough, I came to ask if you desired a game of cards. I called to you, but you did not answer. I thought perhaps that you were sleeping, so I lifted up the flap to your sleeping area. It was then I saw you. I am sorry."

The queen ceased her denials now, saying, "What do you want of me, Nyssa? Gold? Jewels? A high position for your husband or some other relative? I will give you whatever it is you want in exchange for your silence. You are not the first to blackmail me."

"Your Grace!" The shock in Nyssa's voice was so genuine that it startled the queen.

"Well, you must want something," Catherine Howard said petulantly, "or you would not have told me that you knew. What is it?"

"I want you to cease this reckless behavior, Cat," Nyssa said to her. "You endanger not just yourself, but many others as well. What has driven you to such a thing? You have a husband who loves you and gives you everything.You are Queen of England!"

"It is not enough!" Catherine Howard said low. "Oh, Nyssa, I never knew it would be like this! The jewels, the clothing, the servants, the privileges of being a queen are wonderful, but I would give them all up in a trice had I but known the rest. Now I am caught like an animal in a net. I am the plaything of an old man, and I hate it. I want to love, and be loved as you are." She half sobbed. "Why has not love remembered me?"

"You are loved," Nyssa said quietly. "The king adores you, Cat. He can scarce keep his hands from you even in public. So much so that it is spoken about by the common people. He has not changed since the days he courted you. Surely you were not so blinded by the perquisites of being a queen that you overlooked the fact Henry Tudor was hardly in the first flush of his youth. I saw it. I lived in terror that he would favor me above you. Why could you not see it?"

Above them the gulls screamed and mewled as they swooped and soared above the two young women.

"You do not know what it was like to be born a Howard. My mother died when I was not yet five. My father's only interest was in finding another rich widow to marry, and in obtaining some position that would take him away from his five children. I was sent to the Howards at Horsham with my sisters to be brought up. We were raised like a litter of kittens or puppies. From the moment we arrived it was impressed upon us that though our lineage was the finest, we were poor relations. We must take what was given us and be thankful for whatever we got, no matter how coarse. I was given no education. I hid in the schoolroom where my brothers and other male relations were being taught so I might learn to read, and write my name. My hand is poor to this day, and I cannot spell to save my soul.

"Until I came to court I never had a garment made just for me. Everything I wore had been worn by someone before me. I handed my clothes, as I outgrew them, down to my little sisters. Sometimes the garments I was given were in such terrible condition I was afraid they would tear each time I put them on. Yet if I did not preserve them for Elizabeth and Mary, I was beaten for my carelessness and wastefulness."

Nyssa was astounded by Cat's description of her childhood. How different it was from her own pampered upbringing as the only daughter in a houseful of little brothers. She had been loved and cossetted from her birth by her parents, her grandparents, and all of her extended family. Her stepfather had spoiled her constantly. All of her siblings had been raised in the same loving manner. She was amazed that the powerful and wealthy Howards could treat their young so badly. But then, should she have been surprised? She knew what Varian's early life had been like.

Still, it was no excuse for the queen's adultery. "Under the circumstances, Cat, I should think, then, that the king's deep love for you would have made you happy instead of unhappy," Nyssa said.

"He does not love me," Catherine Howard said. "Oh, he thinks that he loves me, but what he loves is having a pretty young wife to flaunt before King François I of France and the Holy Roman Emperor. Everyone says so. A pretty young wife whom his courtiers envy—that is what pleasures him, Nyssa. As a lover he is horrendous, I assure you. Did your mother not ever speak about it to you? She was, after all, his mistress for a short time."

Nyssa shook her head. "It is not something a mother would discuss with her daughter, Cat. The intimacies, I mean."

"Well," the queen allowed, "perhaps he was not so gross in her day. He was still a young man then. But now, he is so fat, Nyssa, that he cannot mount me like a normal man. No! He must either sit me on his lap atop his manhood or I must kneel before him upon our bed, or stand bent over braced upon a table while he enters my female passage from the rear. If he lay atop me, he would kill me! Then he grunts and sweats over me until he has received his pleasure. Were I not able to quickly obtain mine, I should have none myself."

I do not want to hear this, Nyssa thought, shocked. And still Cat did not understand what was involved. "Whatever your difficulties or disappointments, Cat," she patiently explained to her friend, "you are married to Henry Tudor. You are his wife until death parts you. You have no other choice. If this adultery is discovered, you will lose your head, Cat. Your cousin Anne, for all her temperament, was innocent of the crimes with which she was charged. Everyone knew it, though no one would dare to speak the truth. And still she was beheaded. You are not innocent, Cat. If you fall, you will take the house of Howard down with you. Unfortunately my husband is Duke Thomas's grandson. If you hurt the king's heart and his pride, he will strike out with all the venom of a poisonous snake at anyone with Howard connections."

"But I love Tom Culpeper, and he loves me," the queen said plaintively.

"If Tom Culpeper really loves you, Cat, then speak to him. Tell him that his love endangers both your lives. If he wishes to squander his own life away, then he is free to, but if he truly loves you, he will want to protect you, Cat. Besides, what if you should become with child? Would you foist a bastard heir upon England?"

"Have I not said that I know well how to meddle with a man and not become enceinte?" the queen bragged. Then she shivered, drawing her cloak about her. "It is growing cloudy and cold, Nyssa. Let us walk back to the encampment."

"You have not promised me yet that you will give up this madness," Nyssa said. "If the duke learns of it, he will denounce you himself to save his own skin. He was the first to desert Anne Boleyn."

"He will not learn of it if you do not tell him," Cat said slyly. "Ohh, Nyssa! Tom is the only thing that keeps me happy."

"Who else knows, Cat?" Nyssa asked. "You could not carry on this liaison without help. And did you not tell me earlier that you were being blackmailed? The situation is already out of control. You have escaped detection only because we have been on progress. Once we have returned to London, it will be harder, and more dangerous."

"Rochford knows," the queen said. "You know how we always made fun of her and thought her silly? Well, she isn't, Nyssa. She has been so kind, and she knows how to keep a secret. I could not do without her. She understands how I feel.She does!"

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