Page 26 of A Brilliant Spring

The last few meetings that I’ve attended at Black & Wells Publishing and Press…to say they’ve been weird is an understatement. It takes everything I have not to reach out and touch her. Pull her into my arms and bury my face in her neck. To breathe her in so deep, I choke on her scent. To tangle my fingers in that unruly cloud of hair. To press my mouth against hers and kiss her until her lips are chapped and swollen.

But I can’t.

I need to protect myself. I need to protect my heart. Now that there’s no clause, who knows how long it would have been until she wanted to be free of me again? Free of her father’s demands? I need her to come to me. I need her to want me. I need her to fight for me. To fight for us. I can’t be the only one who holds us together. But it’s killing me, staying away, keeping my distance. It kills me that I need to act cold and distant when all I want to do is melt into a puddle at her feet and beg for her to take me back.

“Yo, Brandt…” Rhys’ voice pulls me from my anguish. I blink the thoughts of the beautiful redhead from my mind and refocus on Rhys.

“Sorry,” I say. “I was lost in thought.”

“That’s been happening a lot lately,” Rhys says. I nod my head. There’s nothing else to say about it. I feel lost when she’s not there, now that I know what it’s like to have her beside me. I struggle daily with how I handled things between us, but it’s always been me chasing her.

“What’s going on with you?” I ask Rhys, wondering why he wanted to meet up at 7 AM on a Saturday. The diner, Griddle Cakes, is filled with the early morning crowd, and the sound of clinking dishes, chatter, and the bustle of the kitchen fills the air. My stomach grumbles, begging for food. Rhys looks white as a ghost, and his face is sunken and gaunt. Dark circles rim his eyes.

“So, the baby is definitely mine,” Rhys grumbles. I try, and fail, to hide my look of “I told you so.” “Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m an idiot for thinking otherwise. I get it.”

“What’s the problem then? Why do you look like shit?” I fold my arms across my chest as I wait for his response, but the server comes over first.

“What will you two have?” she asks, her voice flat and uninterested. Midge, as per her name tag, looks haggard and worn down, and deep crow’s feet line her eyes. She scratches Rhys’ order down on her pad of paper, then turns to me and puts her weight on her back foot.

“Uh, I’ll have a coffee, black. And French toast for me, please.” Midge nods her head, and a stray strand of silver hair flies free of her ponytail. She swivels on her heel and scurries away, smacking the gum in her mouth as she goes. “Have you spoken to Riley at all?” Rhys’ face contorts guiltily. Any colour that had returned drains again, but this time it’s replaced with a green tinge, like he’s going to be sick. “C’mon, Rhys. When did she tell you?”

“About a week ago,” he says. “And…I’ve kind of been avoiding her ever since.” My eyes narrow at him, questioning why he would ignore her. As if reading my mind, he explains. “I’ve just been a little nervous about reaching out, I guess. It’s been a lot to process. I mean, yes, the possibility it was always mine was clearly there, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’ve also been feeling a little guilty, pushing her away so hard after everything. I know I’ve been a dick. But this relationship stuff is all new to me.”

We both sit in silence for a few moments, letting his revelation settle. “I guess I was just being a chickenshit.” I give a lighthearted hum at his statement. His hands reach into his black hair, tousling it.

“What are you gonna do, man?” I ask. Rhys runs his hands through his hair again, tugging at the roots a little. Tufts of black hair stand up once he’s done. He’s a mess, and a nervous one at that.

“I don’t know…I’m not ready to be a father.” His knee bounces underneath the table, connecting with the underside at random intervals, shaking the table.

“And you think Riley is ready to be a mother? Grow up.” Rhys rolls his eyes at me, leans forward, and grabs the ketchup as Midge approaches with our plates. He douses his hash browns in it once our food is in front of us.

“Back off. I just need more time to digest this.” I sit there, staring at Rhys as he actively avoids looking at me. He’s running away from what could be the best thing in his life, because he’s scared. I get it, I do. But I’m also envious as hell. I’ve pictured Elissa’s belly swollen with my baby, a ring on her finger…she’d be all mine. Maybe it was all because of a business deal, but I still had her. Now, I don’t.

Who are you to judge Rhys? Didn’t you break things off with Elissa because you feared getting hurt first? Well, fuck. I grab the syrup bottle off the table and drizzle my French toast before I grab my knife and fork and tuck in.

•••

After breakfast, Rhys and I head over to the gym to meet up with Liam and shoot some hoops. Once we finish getting changed in the locker rooms, we head toward the basketball court and stop by the fountain to fill our water bottles. We place the bottles on the benches at the side of the court and lightly stretch before doing some warm-up line drills. Our shoes squeak on the court as we run back and forth. And as I run, I race away from this feeling of dread that crashes over me any time I think about Elissa. One mention of her and I’m sent hurtling head first into this spiral of fear that I may have just fucked up enough to make it never work again.

Something round and orange comes flying at me, and I stumble trying to avoid it. Rhys is off at the sideline giggling like a schoolgirl.

“You’re supposed to catch it, Brandt,” he snickers. I roll my eyes and run over to retrieve the ball that went soaring by me. I pick it up and dribble it over to where Liam and Rhys are standing.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Liam says. “You’re telling me he fucking broke it off with Elissa?” His eyes are wide and his pupils dilate. I swear, if I see a tent in his shorts, I’m gonna kill him. “What is wrong with you? She’s like…perfect. Fuck, does that mean I have another shot at her?” He says it mockingly, but my burning glare quickly wipes the goofy smile off his face as he turns away and grabs another ball off the rack, dribbling it quickly.

“Jesus, if looks could kill,” Rhys laughs. “If you didn’t want another guy going after her, you shouldn’t have walked away from her. Besides, Liam did have her first.” This sets off a growl in my throat, rumbling throughout my body.

“Don’t need to remind me of that,” I snap, and I launch the ball from my chest into his. He grunts as it collides with him. The knowledge that she was with Liam before me sits very close to the surface of my mind, grating on my nerves. I wish I could wipe her slate clean and know it’s only been me who’s been inside her.

“Shit, Collins. We’re only joking with you. Fucking relax. If you still want her, then go and get her.” I ignore his remark and run onto the court, swiping the ball away from Liam and setting myself for a lay-up. He has no idea how badly I want to go and get her. To grab her and twist my hands into her gorgeous, thick, copper hair and tug until her head tips back and her lips part. So I can slide my tongue into her mouth and taste her. Drink up every last ounce of air she breathes until she’s nothing but a husk in my arms. To have her give herself to me completely, in a way she’ll never give to anyone else. That’s what I want. But until she’s ready to fight for us, I need to stay away. She needs to reach out first.

I’m scared I’ll be waiting forever for her.

Chapter

Twenty-Five

Elissa

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