Page 76 of Sweet Poison

I laughed out loud. She made me want to try even harder to resolve my feud with Paganini so I could get back to living life the way I wanted … with her, hopefully.

She smiled then and briefly lowered her head in thought. Then she lifted it once again, her face was pale, and those enchanting eyes of hers were sad.

“I … I think maybe we should end things here.”

My heart seemed to stop for a moment. Obviously, I knew this moment could happen, but I had not expected it right now. It had come out of the blue and was a monumental blow.

“I understand, but what brought this on? You were fine a moment ago.” My voice sounded strange.

“I know, I must sound like some ditzy female, but I’ve never been in this kind of situation before, and I honestly thought I could go on this way ... casually, I mean, just taking the pleasure and not wanting more, but ... I realize now, I can’t.”

She looked at the house, her gaze soft but distant.

“You and Anya, and this is me being honest, maybe too honest, you two paint the prettiest picture … and I want to be a part of that picture. That meal we had tonight was everything I ever wanted, but now you’re walking me out. And it doesn’t feel good to know that, that’s what all our meals are going to be like. Me leaving.

“Even now, I cannot trust myself not to start wanting far more than you're willing to offer, let alone as I start to feel more and more for you. You've been straight with me from the very beginning; you can't offer more, and I think it’s time for me to take your warning seriously. For my sake … and for Anya's as well. She’s starting to get too close to me.

“So now, while we’re still on good terms, while I can still walk away without too much heartbreak, I think it's best to. It's also a good thing to give you two the time and space needed to settle down and actually get the change that you both need right now. To find solid ground.”

She looked at me then, and I couldn’t help but stare desperately at her. It was such an incredibly sad moment, but I knew it was what we both needed at the time. It was the right thing to do for now. She didn’t know it, but there was no way I was letting her go. I would solve my problem and I would be back to claim my beauty.

“One last kiss?” I asked. “One last time?”

She smiled then, but it was too bright, almost dishonest. She was trying her very best to shield her hurt, but I could see it too clearly."

“Of course,” she said, tears slightly pooling in her eyes. “No hard feelings.”

“No hard feelings,” I nodded. I leaned forward and sealed my lips over hers. Shutting my eyes, I savored her taste one more time. No matter how painful and bittersweet this moment was, I knew in my gut that for the sake of my daughter, and her too, this was the right decision.

The kiss was brief because she pulled away. I wished she had held on just a bit longer, but I understood why it was difficult for her.

I stepped away and swore to myself that the next time I kissed her again, she would not pull away. She would never pull away, because I was going to give her everything she wanted.

She got into her car. Then the engine started. My hands were clenched into fists.

I waited while she turned the car around, and she drove off into the distance. She never waved, she never even looked at me. It was time to leave, time for me to head back into the house and continue on with my life with Anya. My life without Montana. However, I found that I couldn’t move.

My heart was mourning her exit. My heart was waiting for the blue car to return. To say it had been a monumental error. I knew she was not coming back, but I waited a few more moments so Anya did not see me the way I was.

Then I turned around and returned to the house. My chest was tight with pain, but I plastered a smile on my face so Anya would think nothing had changed even though everything had changed. The world was a grayer place than it had been just a few minutes ago.

Chapter 46

Montana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dYWe1c3OyU&list=RDfNFzfwLM72c&index=10

-I will survive-

"You are mourning," Pearl said.

She had dragged me out to buy groceries simply because she hadn’t been able to persuade me to go out with the girls the previous night. I had stayed in and eaten a whole bunch of pastries from the bakery and regretted it afterwards.

“I’m not mourning,” I denied and started moving away from her, even though she was dead on the money. Of course, I was. I was never the best person to deal with difficult parents, but this week I had been like a bear with a sore head. I had actually visualized attacking one mother with a pair of scissors! I tried to hide it, but my sadness had been noticed by everyone. From my dad to the other teachers and even some of the students.

The first day after our breakup I went to school nervous about seeing Cole. It was unavoidable, and I spent the entire day bracing myself for it, convincing myself that all I had to do was avoid direct eye contact. But when the moment came and he arrived to pick up Anya, I found that I didn’t even have to ignore him. I didn’t know how he did it, but he behaved as though all the familiarity and intimacy we had shared had all happened in my fantasies.

He was a civil, polite stranger.

---