I let my gaze slide away as I thought of what I could say that would be as close to the truth as possible without endangering me or her.
"I don’t want to go into details, but Anya’s mother is not well," I replied. "She got herself entangled with the wrong crowd in New York, got involved with drugs, and now she is unstable. Anya is very attached to her, so her absence has caused significant damage. We just got away from all of that, but as it stands it’s still an unresolved problem … Anya needs time. We both need time without new distractions or obligations.”
“That’s what I am? A distraction or obligation?”
"Distraction? Yes, you’ll always be that. I can’t look at you without wanting to carry you off to my bed. But an obligation? That’s not the right word. You’d be a responsibility. Sounds like a negative thing, but it’s not. It’s the only way I want to be with you. Just like Anya is my responsibility to love, cherish, and protect. It will be the same with you, but right now I want all of my focus to be on Anya until I’ve solved this problem. Until she stabilizes mentally."
"Stabilizes mentally," she repeated. "Is there something wrong with her now?"
"She’s been having nightmares, but I don’t want to take her to see anyone yet because that might make her start thinking there’s something wrong with her when it could be a problem that will resolve itself.”
Her forehead creased. “What kind of nightmares?”
"She won’t exactly share what they are. She tries to brush it off, but she never used to do that before so it bothers me that she’s so hesitant about sharing it with me."
"Oh," she nodded, shifting slightly underneath me to get more comfortable. I had most of my weight on my arms, but that moment had passed. I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling.
"Okay," she said.
"Okay, what?"
"Okay. Nothing serious."
"You sure?" I asked.
She smiled, but the lights had gone out of her eyes. "I don’t know how I will feel in the future, but for now I’m not ready to let go of this thing we have going on."
I smiled too, pleased to hear that for now I could still keep her, but a part of me felt sad for dimming the happiness from her face.
We remained silent, neither of us moving towards the other.
I looked at my watch. “Our one hour is nearly up,” I said softly.
There was a knock on our door, and she turned to face me. “Bullseye.”
I sat up and put my t-shirt back on, and Montana jumped to her feet. I watched as she headed over to the door. She unlocked the door and opened it.
"You did the tour without me?” Anya complained.
Chapter 44
Montana
“Actually, we haven’t started yet,” Cole told her. “But it’s getting late. Maybe next time, huh?”
“Okay.”
“Come and join us,” he invited.
I took her by the hand and brought her back to the divan. She seemed to have the biggest smile on her face, and as she wriggled around and settled in between us, I laid back down on the divan once again.
It didn’t feel strange to be with them even though I'd never really given much thought to having a family. I guess I hadn’t exactly met anyone that made me even want to consider it, but with him and with Anya, I couldn’t help but imagine.
Part of me was relieved that Cole was honest with me, and the dreaded discussion had gone relatively calmly. I was lost in my thoughts, but I could suddenly feel his eyes on me, watching me, and so I turned, and indeed, he was looking at me.
I knew I had so much more to say to him. Our discussion wasn’t over yet, but at that moment, I didn’t really want to speak. I just wanted to bask in the strangely peaceful time with this man and his child.
"Miss Moore, is your home safe?" Anya suddenly asked.