Page 60 of It Started at the Lake

“Yes!” I pump my fists in the air. “I have a condition though. You can be my tour guide, but you aren’t paying for me. Understood?”

“We’ll figure that out later.”

I put my hand on his arm. “I mean it, Bennett. We don’t go unless I’m able to pay my way.”

“Alright.”

“Good. Now that we’ve settled that, tell me, where is it you would want to go?”

There’s no hesitation in his answer. “Japan. I’m fascinated with their culture and history.”

Of all the places I want to go, Japan isn’t one of them. “What draws you to Japanese customs?”

“Their focus on family.”

“Considering how close you are to your family, that makes sense.” If only I could say the same.

“You mentioned watching your sister in the summers. Do you have a good relationship with her?”

My lips pull down as I think about Steph and the last time I spoke to her. “Not anymore.”

We get to the rock and Bennett places the picnic basket down. Grabbing on to half of the blanket, we work together to spread it over the ground. We sit facing one another, our knees almost touching. I’m super tempted to scootch that last two inches. My stomach swoops with the thought of our bare skin touching. Yes, it's knees, which are not something to get excited over, but I still am. Except I stay where I am, letting the gap remind me Bennett and I aren’t actually together.

Bennett opens the basket and passes me a plate. “If I’m prying, you can tell me, but is there a reason you two stopped talking?”

My stomach sours. “I abandoned her when I moved away.”

“What do you mean?”

Bennett hands me a wrapped sandwich. Fiddling with the plastic wrap, I say, “My parents weren’t physically abusive, but they were neglectful. I tried being the constant person in Steph’s life who always showed her love and kindness. When I left for college, she still had two years at home. It took me a really long time to decide if I wanted to leave Ohio because of Steph. But I knew if I didn’t force myself to go, I’d keep trying to make up for my parents' lack in my sister’s life. It wasn’t fair to either of us.” I drop the sandwich onto my plate. “Steph didn’t have a cell phone, and anytime I called the house after I came to Massachusetts, my parents would say Steph wasn’t home or was too busy doing homework to talk to me. I don’t know if that was true, or if Steph had asked them to screen my calls.”

“And you haven’t spoken to her since?” There’s no judgment in Bennett’s tone. No accusations about being a terrible sister.

“We have, but it’s not the same as when we were little. There’s this wall up whenever I engage her in conversation. I don’t know how to knock it down and get back to how we used to be.”

Bennett squeezes my leg. “I’m sorry, Mils. That sucks. I wish I had advice to offer, but I have no clue what to do. I’m here if you ever need to talk about it.”

His offer is sweet. “Thanks, Bennett. That means a lot.”

My stomach gurgles loudly enough to scare away the birds in the trees. Bennett’s eyes widen in surprise. “You should eat. They won’t be as good as anything Clara makes, but I don’t believe Jen ever complained about the sandwiches I made.”

Hearing his late wife’s name is like a sucker punch in the gut. “Can I ask you something that’s extremely direct?”

Bennett sets his sandwich on his plate. He meets my gaze with brows furrowed. “Yes.”

“Are you still in love with Jen?” Duh, Mils, of course he is. She was torn away from him in a tragic accident.

Bennett pointedly clears his throat. “If this were a real first date, this deep of a question might scare guys away. Something to consider in the future.”

Oh. He’s totally right. First dates are for getting to know one another on a surface level, like their favorite drink, movie, or restaurant. Not diving deep into their personal life. Do I always do this to guys? Thinking back to previous relationships, my stomach sinks. I have done this before. Prying too soon. “Thank you. That’s actually really helpful.”

“But since we’re friends, I’ll answer.” Bennett looks out at the lake below us, his fingers fiddling with his left hand, where his ring used to be. I want to see his eyes, but he keeps his gaze turned, so I only get the side of his face. “Yes, I still love Jen, and always will. She was my first love and the person I thought would be my last. I gave her my whole heart, and she owns it.”

Tears sting the back of my eyes. I rapidly blink, clearing the moisture. There’s no chance for us. I knew that when I said yes to fake dating Bennett, but stupidly, I let myself keep the tiniest sliver of hope alive that he might change his mind. Like a bug crushed under a shoe, I squash any remaining possibility of Bennett being ready to move on from Jen.

To give my hands something to do while I process this information, I tear the crust off my bread. “She sounds like she was an amazing person.”

Finally, he looks at me, a sad smile on his lips. “She was.”

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