Page 63 of It Started at the Lake

“Awww. You’re really sweet when you want to be.”

My lips tilt up in a quick smile. “I’ll add that to my profile. Now, back to your dreams. Tell me what happened.”

Millie goes to the picnic blanket laid out across the boulder. She puts her camera in her black bag, fiddling with the zipper. Her tone is a mix of vulnerability and pain. “My parents weren’t the easiest to get along with. I tried my entire childhood to do things that would make them proud. Instead, it seemed like all I did was get in their way. They fought all the time. As much as I fell in love with UMass, I honestly didn’t care where I ended up for college as long as it was away from home. I felt bad for abandoning my sister. I told her she would always have a place to stay with me once she graduated high school, but she didn’t want to come to Massachusetts. My dream of always being close to her was crushed the moment I left home. I miss her. We used to talk and play for hours growing up. It was us against the world.”

She wraps her arms around her stomach, as if protecting herself. There’s an overwhelming urgency rising in me to protect her.

She continues, “Then there’s been my dating life.” She chuckles self-deprecatingly. “I have this knack of finding men who are only looking for a good time. It will be nice after your help to find someone who’s interested in more than a hook-up.” She looks away from me. “But maybe it's for the best that I haven’t found a partner in life yet. My parents didn’t exactly set a good example of a healthy relationship. Maybe that’s why I’m single. I don’t know how to be a good girlfriend.”

My heart is heavy. I want to take away her pain and insecurities. From what I’ve seen of Mils, she’ll be the best partner anyone could ask for.

“Hey.” I scoot over to her, pulling her into my side, wrapping my arm around her back. “You are not your parents. And maybe their bad example is what you needed to see in order for you to understand what it is you don’t want in a relationship. The fact that you’re sharing this with me? That you’re open and honest? You’re doing a lot better than you think you are.”

I rub my hand up and down her arm. “Jen and I didn’t have a perfect marriage. No one does. But what we did have was communication, trust, and choosing the other person every day.”

One thing dating and marriage taught me is no one relationship, no one communication style, is the same. What worked for one woman I dated didn’t always work for the next. It’ll be hard for her to figure out what is best, but as long as she’s willing to give it her all, she’ll be fine.

She nods. “Good advice. Umm… Another dream that hasn’t worked out quite as planned is how long it’s taken to get my degree. Evs only has one more year until she graduates with her master’s. I’m barely starting mine. I thought I’d be like everyone else and finish school in six years, but I’m on my own to pay for my living expenses and schooling. It’s taken longer than I wanted. Being an adult is expensive.”

Compared to some of my students, Millie is adulting admirably. “I don't know what it’s like to be on your own for everything, but I can tell you there’s no limit on how long it should take. My grandma went back to college in her fifties to earn a master’s degree. You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else, Millie.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know, but you’re amazing. Remember that.”

“I’ll try.” She picks up her camera. “Now, are you ready for a few last photos?”

I groan. “I’m really not. You’ll have to use what you have. This model is done.”

“Fine.” She pushes back against my shoulder until we’re both lying on our backs, staring at the cumulus clouds slowly drifting across the sky. “Tell me about your dreams for the future. What do you want, Bennett?”

The same as always. Too bad I won’t have them. “Before Jen died, I wanted a family sooner rather than later. I wanted to volunteer at my children’s school and coach their little league teams. I wanted to take my kids to other countries and let them experience different cultures and customs. I wanted to do what I can to make the community I live in a better place for those in need. I wanted to write a book one day. But mostly? I wanted a future to look forward to.” Rather than a past I can’t get away from.

Millie shifts, leaning on her elbow, and stares me right in the eye. “I am one hundred percent confident you can still get what you want, Bennett.”

My eyes narrow the slightest. “And how can you guarantee that?” Experience has taught me otherwise.

“Because of how amazing you are.” She places a soft, friendly kiss on the corner of my brow, then settles by my side again.

I want to believe her. But how? What she's saying is impossible.

We stay on the rock, pointing out different shapes in the clouds for the next hour. My body is like putty, soft and relaxed. This lazy summer afternoon with Millie is perfect. There’s no pressure, stress, or hiding how I feel. I’m simply me, and for the first time in a while, I’m peaceful.

A feeling I almost forgot existed.

CHAPTER 30

Camille

I’m in black bike shorts, a maroon tank, and a UMass hat with my swimsuit on underneath. Bennett said there’s a waterfall with a pool we get to swim in at the end of the hike.

My insides vibrate, ready to get this journey going. I’m checking off another “first” on my summer bucket-list and I can’t wait to experience it.

Am I hoping we’re the only ones at this waterfall today? Definitely.

But I can’t be blamed. Unlike yesterday when I pretended Bennett needed to keep his shirt on because modesty seemed like the best course of action, Bennett will be shirtless, and this time there isn’t a hands-off policy like before. Fake girlfriends get to touch their fake boyfriends, right? Bennett at least said I can look as much as I want.

Though I don’t want anyone else to see him like that. Now that we’re hanging out more, there’s this nasty little monster in my head saying Bennett’s for my eyes only. I’ve always known I get a little jealous once I’m dating someone, but I’ve also never gone out with someone this built before. I’m absolutely being pickier about Bennett’s torso being for my eyes only.

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