Page 154 of The Single Dad

The past few weeks have been nothing but a haze. I’ve been going through my day-to-day life like some kind of zombie, trying to keep everything afloat but still not able to feel much. I’ve been a little lost in it, to be honest, and haven’t thought of anything close to enjoyment since the moment Riley left.

“Yeah, you have,” Reed says. He walks past me, into the kitchen. Declan follows, and I drift along in their wake, resigned.

Reed sits at the counter, and Declan leans against the granite surface of the island, his arms folded as he turns back to me. “So. Tell us what happened.”

I hesitate, then sigh. “I… fired Riley,” I admit, glancing at the floor.

“Are you serious?” Declan shakes his head as if he’s disappointed in me. “Why?”

“She was kind of perfect for the job,” Reed adds. “You’re out of your mind for this one.”

“You both know it wasn’t just about the job.” I head back over to the breakfast table, where I left my tumbler of whiskey. I don’t care if neither of them plans on drinking, but I definitely intend to.

“Well, yeah,” Reed says. “You were fucking her.”

“It wasn’t just that.” Declan’s gaze bores into me. “There were feelings involved.”

For a few moments, I’m silent, trying to figure out how to respond. Then I nod and say, “Yeah. Things were starting to get that way, and I thought it was a good time to end it, before she got hurt.”

“Hers weren’t the only feelings involved,” Declan says, as if he can see straight through me. “That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

“Okay,” I reply, challenging him. “Then I decided to stop before either of us could get hurt. It was a bad idea from the start, and it would’ve ended in disaster one way or another.” I scowl, looking away from Declan’s and Reed’s knowing faces. “Frankly, it already was a disaster.”

“Sure, total disaster,” Reed says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Except that you were happier than we’ve seen you in years. But whatever you say.”

I don’t quite trust Reed’s analysis of the situation—what would he know about something like this? He’s a tabloid-level player—but Declan nods at me gravely.

“You want my advice?”

I shrug. Truth is, I do. Declan, of all people, probably knows how I feel. “Fine.”

“You need to fix this,” he tells me.

In some way, I already know that. But it’s a little late now for regrets.

“This was the right choice,” I say stiffly. “The responsible choice.”

“Again, that’s bullshit.” Declan folds his arms. “This is just you, avoiding how you feel. You’re not taking what you want, and you know it.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” I argue. “I’m supposed to be a parent now. I have to look out for Archie’s well-being, too.”

“So what?” Declan paces around the counter, approaching me. He snatches the drink from my hand and takes a sip, then grimaces at the taste and passes the glass across the island to Reed. “She was so good with Archie. He adored her.”

Reed catches the whiskey, then nods. “That’s true. Everyone knew that.”

“But if I get distracted—if I—”

“When Riley was in this house, you were happier and Archie was better taken care of than ever before,” Declan says, cutting me off firmly. “There’s no point in lying to yourself.”

I hesitate, then hang my head, giving up the argument. Declan’s right. The look of disappointment on Archie’s face after we left the doctor’s office today was evidence of that, if nothing else.

“Your whole career has been built on taking smart risks,” Declan reminds me. “And now, you’re too hesitant to take a risk and chase something you want. You’re running from love, straight up.”

That last sentence stops me in my tracks. Declan’s words ring through my head; it’s the first time I’ve been forced to contend with that word, with the concept that I was in love with Riley.

I was, wasn’t I? That was the reason I felt so secure around her, the reason I felt comfortable letting her closer than anyone has ever been. It was the warm feeling in my chest as I watched her play with Archie, and the fierceness I felt anytime someone threatened her safety.

And letting her go—telling her to leave… I might as well have shot myself in the heart.

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