Page 40 of The Last Promise You Made

Ryder didn’t even hesitate. He disappeared out the door through the glass walkway leading to the garage. I wasn’t sure where he was going to get a step stool in that immaculate space, but he appeared to have them stored somewhere close by, because he came back not even two minutes later with a small, two-step ladder.

He set it by the sink, and Eva supervised as Addy washed her hands. Then, they moved the ladder closer to a bowl Brandon had just dumped noodles into. Eva helped Addy pour other ingredients into it, and the little girl used a large wooden spoon to stir everything up.

I stepped back, suddenly feeling like the intruder I was. This was a family. A family the little girl needed more than she could know. I went to the glass windows on the far side of the living room, where the view of the valley had turned into a new work of art as the sun began to fade behind the hills. Rays shot into the clouds, turning the world into a hazy mosaic. The warm light filled the room until it seemed like we were standing in a shower of gold. There was a dreaminess to the scene that spoke of romantic walks and champagne picnics. Slow, lazy moments that I’d never wanted. And yet, I found myself tempted to take a picture to share it with…someone. I just wasn’t sure who.

Holden was busy on tour with Leya and the band. If I sent my mom the picture, she’d ask a thousand questions I couldn’t answer without lying about where I was and what I was doing. Dad would want to know what threat he was missing in the photograph. Who else was there? I went to drinks with colleagues occasionally. Found release in the arms of a random guy now and then. But I’d been far too focused on making my childhood spy dreams a reality than on spending time building relationships with anyone. Rory was the closest thing I’d had to a friend in a long time, at least since Gary had quit tagging along with me to parts unknown, and even he hadn’t really been all that great of a friend. He’d hated every minute of our jungle hike with the SEALs and turned in his resignation as soon as we’d gotten back.

I swallowed hard, and instead of taking a photo of the stunning view, I brought up my email app on my phone, hoping I’d have more news from Rory or the Denver PD. Anything to bring me back to the job, and the cartel, and what I actually needed to be doing rather than dreaming about romantic sunsets.

To my surprise, Ryder joined me at the windows. The gold from the setting sun coated his skin and made his dark hair glisten with burnished highlights. What would it feel like to run my hand through those thick waves? What would it be like to grip them tight while those firm lips trailed down my body?

When my gaze met his, his eyes were narrowed, as if he’d read my mind, and I flushed. There was nothing wrong with thinking about sex. Nothing to be embarrassed about, and yet the heat filled my cheeks anyway. Maybe it was because I was thinking about bodies entwined when he was probably still irritated at me for questioning Addy.

Instead of mentioning what had happened in her room, he surprised me by asking, “Is her limited speech because she doesn’t know English that well?”

I considered it for a moment before replying, “I don’t think so. Even when she talks to me in Spanish, it’s the same way. It could be the trauma she experienced. I don’t think we’ll truly know until she becomes more comfortable with her surroundings.”

We both watched as Addy listened to Eva chattering away as they worked. The little girl’s shoulders were looser than I’d seen them since I’d pulled her from the hotel room.

“She should see a doctor. Maybe a therapist? Right?” he said.

“Probably. I’m definitely not a kid expert.”

“She seemed pretty attached to you at the station.”

“Necessity, I’m sure. I am the last person to know what a kid wants.”

“You never babysat as a teenager?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Just because I’m female doesn’t mean I automatically babysat. Nor does it automatically mean my ovaries are going to explode if I don’t have a baby in the next ten years.”

He rubbed a hand along his jaw, partially covering lips twitching at my little tirade.

“Got it. No kids for the snarky undercover agent.”

“I didn’t say that either.” Before the last twenty-four hours with Addy, I would have agreed with him. I’d not seen them in my future, not even with my mom dropping hints to both Holden and me about grandbabies. But holding Addy’s hand, feeling the sag of her little body into mine, was enough to make me reconsider my long-term goals. Make me wonder if I was missing out on something the majority of the world seemed to understand—how having a child could be an adventure more worthy than a spy novel.

Ryder’s brows dropped together in confusion at my contradictory words, but I couldn’t clarify for him, as I was just as confused. Hadn’t I known coming here would do strange things to me? That any interaction with Ryder would leave an imprint I wouldn’t be able to remove—just like the last time.

A tiny whisper of a giggle broke our silence, and both our heads whipped toward the kitchen. Addy had a smile on her face. A full smile. Wide and beautiful and angelic. It was directed at Brandon, who was standing behind Eva, miming her in a completely clownish way. Even though the twinkle in Eva’s eyes showed she knew he was doing it, she continued right on talking and explaining as if she didn’t have a clue.

I hated to admit that telling his parents and having them come here might have been the best thing to have happened. They’d relaxed Addy in a way neither Ryder nor I had been able to do with our emotions running so high. The simple lack of expectation had won her over.

My throat clogged.

While my parents had never demanded perfection from me, I’d always demanded it of myself. I hadn’t been in clubs or sports in high school with us moving so much, but I’d ensured I had the best grades and top-notch SAT scores in an attempt to offset my deficits in planning for college. I’d driven myself with the skill and smarts of my fictional spy friends motivating me. My brother had done the same, demanding only the best from himself. What did that say about us? About our relationship with our parents? With each other?

I’d never considered myself one of those people with, quote-unquote, “family issues.” I’d mostly considered myself lucky to be surrounded by people who loved and cared for each other. Who respected each other. And yet, watching Eva and Brandon charm their quiet grandchild into giggles, it felt like I was watching something I’d never experienced. Some sort of untethered, unlimited love and acceptance. Something rare and beautiful.

I wanted to bask in it. To be covered in it.

“Okay, that’s got to bake for a while,” Eva said, handing the glass dish off to Brandon, who put it in the oven with a flourish. “Which means, we have time to get to know each other.”

Addy’s smile went away, leaving behind a blank expression that was better than the one I’d practiced for years in a mirror. Eva saw it, but she didn’t let it stop her from proceeding. She moved away from the counter, heading to the pantry.

“I’ll point to the food in here, and you just say yes or no if they’re things you like.”

Ryder seemed drawn by this conversation and left me to journey back into the kitchen with them. Addy climbed down off the stepladder and followed Eva to the cupboard. Eva pointed at different things, naming off treats and vegetables and things that weren’t even there. She waited while Addy nodded, shook her head, or shrugged. They moved to the refrigerator, repeating the process. It was easy to see the things she’d had no experience with. If she’d been on the run with Ravyn for her entire life, they’d hardly been staying places where her mother could cook a four-course meal, and it showed in the way Addy shrugged at many foods.

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