Page 27 of The Last Promise You Made

I shoved my hands into my pockets, rocking. “You like video games.”

She glanced at the Pac-Man machine, then back at me, nodding.

“Gia said you only have a couple on your Switch. Would you like to get a few more?”

Addy didn’t move at all for a long moment and then shrugged.

“I can take you shopping tomorrow. We can get some items to make your room seem like your own. Did you have to leave your toys and clothes behind?”

She shifted from foot to foot and then, with sad eyes, said quietly, “Balam.”

I puzzled over that for too long before admitting, “I don’t know what that means.”

She tilted her head. “El jaguar.”

“Jaguar?” I thought of the way Mila never went anywhere without the two unicorns she loved. “It was a stuffed animal? A toy?”

She nodded.

Damn. What would my niece do if she lost those unicorns? She’d be hysterical. No one would be able to console her.

I jerked my phone from my back pocket, opening up the online shopping app everyone hated to love. “It won’t be the same. It won’t be your jaguar, but maybe we can find a similar one.”

I waved the phone in her direction, and she hesitated before stepping off the stool and coming over to me cautiously. She eyed the stairs as if she needed to have an escape route planned, and my heart nearly seized. I wanted to curse Ravyn all over again.

I typed in the search engine and the feed was flooded with stuffed animals. Some were jaguars. Some were other kinds of stuffed cats. I held out the phone, saying, “You pick one.”

Her eyes grew large, and she carefully took it from my hand, scrolling upward with the ease of someone accustomed to electronics. Ravyn had been good with all things tech. Had she been teaching Addy also? What other things had she learned that I’d missed out on? Frustration and anger welled that I tucked away so I wouldn’t scare this timid child.

We’d had several shy horses on the ranch over the years, and I’d slowly won them over. I could do it with this little girl too. It required slow, patient steps.

Addy’s fingers came to a stop, and she turned the screen to show me the item with hope in her eyes. It looked more leopard than jaguar to me, but it appeared as soft and cuddly as Mila’s unicorns.

I reached out carefully, taking the phone back. “Okay. Let’s see how fast we can get it here.” I added it to the shopping cart, hoping in vain for same-day delivery, but we rarely got anything that quickly in Willow Creek. “It’s on its way. It’ll be here tomorrow.”

She smiled, and it lit up her face. She practically glowed. It snatched my breath away and tugged at something inside me. Affection maybe. A protective instinct. It seemed impossible because I didn’t know her, didn’t even know if she was really mine…and yet I felt tied to her already by just the simple idea she could be.

If Ravyn had stayed. If she’d delivered this beautiful little girl with me in the hospital room, holding her hand and encouraging her. If I’d watched the child grow from a tiny bundle of impossibly small fingers and toes into a diapered toddler crawling across the floor, what would I have felt?

People said the first time they held their baby, they were overcome with an abundance of love. A knowledge that they’d do anything—kill, steal, maim—for the baby. I hadn’t been given that chance. I’d been told my child died before ever having a chance to breathe.

My jaw worked as Addy and I stared at each other.

Was she wondering something similar? About what it would have been like to grow up with a mother and a father? What it would have been like to have two people you could count on?

My phone rang again. My mother had an intuition that was almost otherworldly sometimes.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“You tell me. I just took lunch out to you and Shawn, only to have him tell me you took off like a bat out of hell this morning, and he hasn’t heard from you since. Plus, you ignored my call earlier. What’s going on?”

I looked at the little girl in front of me—the quiet, skittish thing—and wondered how she’d react if my loud, messy hugger of a family showed up, trying to welcome her.

“Hold on a sec,” I said. I put Mama on mute even as she objected. “You want to play some more?” I waved my hand at the machines. “While I make you lunch?” I pointed upward to where the kitchen was.

She shrugged. The smile and momentary glow disappeared behind a blank face. I wanted to curse at myself and my mama. We’d taken a tentative step while talking about the stuffed animal only to have her retreat again.

“I’ll be right upstairs if you need me,” I told her.

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