“Want my advice?”

“That’s why I called, Holds.”

“Leave. Get out. You can’t do the job and remove yourself—not if you have feelings for him.”

My eyes closed. My heart skidded around in my chest. “That’s the one thing I can’t do.”

My brother heard the words I hadn’t said to Ryder in every syllable. “You love him.”

“You didn’t leave Leya,” I said instead of admitting to feelings Ryder deserved to hear first.

“I didn’t. And she got kidnapped. I almost lost her.” I heard the pain in his admission, what he perceived as his failure, in every syllable.

“What would you have done differently if you couldn’t leave?”

“I couldn’t leave. I didn’t know who we could trust.”

“I’m in the same boat,” I told him. “Someone’s been keeping the truth from us.”

“G… Let me see if I can swing some coverage here. Things have calmed down since we found Landry’s killer. I’ll come to you.”

“You have all new responsibilities with the band. I’m not tearing you away from that. I shouldn’t have called. I have another task force member here with me. We’ll be okay. I’ll just put some distance between Ryder and me.” I didn’t trust Enrique, and I wasn’t sure Ryder would let me put any space between us. But I’d called my brother and worried him when there was nothing he could do, so I said what had to be said.

“If you feel even one-tenth of what I feel for Leya, I can guarantee it’ll be impossible to put any distance between you.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“I can only hope you don’t feel the way I did, G. I don’t want you to get hurt, and I don’t want your conscience to be filled with my same regrets. If something worse had happened to Leya…” He dropped off, unable to finish. Seeing my brother with his famous wife, I could only imagine the devastation he would have felt. When I saw them together, it was like seeing one person divided into two bodies. Their connection glowed around them like its own aura.

If something happened to Ryder or Addy on my watch, it would tear me apart.

I’d be shattered.

The entirety of these emotions scared me more than chasing a cartel ever had.

“I love you, G.”

“Love you too, Golden Holden.”

“Keep me posted.”

“I will.”

“I mean it. If I don’t hear from you at least once a day until you tell me it’s all clear, I’m going to send some Secret Service buddies to track you down.”

I laughed. “Don’t you dare. My NSA boss would hate that.”

“I know. That’s why I’d do it.”

When we hung up, I wasn’t sure if I felt better or worse. All I knew was that I couldn’t fuck up. For those few moments when I’d been lost in Ryder’s arms, I’d lost all cognizant thought. There’d been nothing outside his hands and mouth. No job. No cartel. No danger. When the car alarm had gone off, it had slammed reality back into me. I could have been surprised all over again, just as I had been by the giant and his friend at the house.

Instinctively, I knew it wasn’t my feelings that were the problem. In fact, the feelings I had for Ryder and Addy—for the entire Hatley family—made me more determined than ever to shield them from anything that came their way. I’d put myself between any of them and a bullet. I’d dismantle, code by code, the world of any asshole who tried to come at them. The problem had been forgetting everything while I was lost in him.

So, the touching had to be put on hold. Not the feelings. Just the skin on skin.

All I had to do was remember who I was—the woman who’d spent years earning her spy badge and proving her merit with the NSA. I knew how to catch Laredo. I had to trust my experience and training to get us through this.

I’d do the research. I’d find all his hidden secrets.