Page 62 of Disguised as Love

“Damn right,” I growled. “He could have killed me and you.”

That thought twisted my gut so tight I thought I might hurl. The idea of Raisa Leskov with a bullet in her head. The world needed her. She was going to change our planet. She was one of those pivotal people students would be learning about centuries from now. There was no way she could end up dead because some stupid-ass special agent had gotten his dick hard while looking at her.

“It isn’t losing focus you’re scared of, though,” she pushed.

“The fuck it’s not,” I told her.

She sat up, golden tendrils swirling about her face and chest. Her tiny body was revealed even more. She was like that damn Disney princess, Rapunzel. Spunky and independent. Determined and stronger than she knew. A princess even when she didn’t know it.

“I think you’re terrified of caring about anyone. Wanting them more than you want this job.”

My eyes narrowed. “You don’t know anything about me or my relationships.”

“It wasn’t a wife or girlfriend you forgot to call tonight. It was your mom. Do you have any relationships besides her that aren’t work-related? I bet not.”

“You’re one to talk, little one. You’re all work and no play.”

I knew this from our surveillance and the book-length file we had on her at the FBI. She’d done her fair share of partying through high school and college, but in the last few years, she had barely stepped off the university grounds. She scuttled back and forth between Stanford and her home with an occasional jaunt to the city to see Violet Langley, my ex-employee’s wife.

To my surprise, she nodded. “You’re right. Violet is the only friend I really have. I used to know how to go out, let my hair down, and dance the night away, but it’s been a long time since I’ve done it. The difference between us is that I have a real reason. You’re just afraid of letting anyone get close in some desperate attempt to not make the same mistake your father made. You’ve decided that never having love is better than losing the person you love most.”

Her words struck like pins and needles to my heart. They were true. Every single one of them.

“But you don’t have to worry about having those feelings for me,” she continued calm and quiet. “I don’t let people who use me that close. I vowed a long time ago that I would never let someone from my father’s world, someone who lies and kills for a living, into my life in that way. I’m glad you’re not going to be at my side so closely. It’s better this way, because we both know lust isn’t love.”

Then, she turned away, lay back down, and tucked the covers up around her shoulders. At first, anger filled my veins. Anger that she could so easily dismiss me and the emotions we’d both felt when our fingers and lips met. Then, admiration replaced the anger because she’d called me chicken, tossed my emotions in my face callously, and put me in my place. She was strong and fierce and beautiful. The only person who’d ever tempted me enough to risk everything.

I left her room, slid into the bed on the other side of the wall, and tried not to let my failures and her brown eyes keep sleep from coming. I ran through the notes that normally drifted me into the dreamland, but I couldn’t concentrate on the Mendelssohn again. Instead, it was Satie’s “Je Te Veux” that flowed behind my closed eyes again and finally led me to sleep.

Cruz

UNDONE

“All these truths can sometimes be deceiving,

When your whole world comes crashing to the ground.”

Performed by Lifehouse

Written by Jason Wade

I woke after only a handful of hours, went out for a run, checked my messages from Nolan?who basically told me to get the fuck back to the U.S.?and then went in search of the Russian princess and her guard. She and Ilia were in her father’s office, not even being subtle about the fact that they were searching it. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling.

Raisa stopped as I approached, glancing at the jeans, button-down shirt, and jacket I’d thrown on after my shower. More clothes from Alexia’s.

“Nice way of keeping our search a secret,” I said sarcastically.

“I told Mama and Rurik that Papa’s attorney had called and asked me to find the new will he’d created for Papa,” she said defiantly.

I paused. “Is there a new will?”

She shrugged and went back to the file cabinet and the drawer she was perusing.

“It won’t be just lying around,” I said with a sigh.

“Hiding in plain sight. Papa said sometimes the simpler things were the ones people overlooked.” She rose from her bent position at the file cabinet, studied the room, and tugged at the locket on her neck.

I was just going to reply when Volkov walked in, his eyes taking in every inch of the room and then landing on me with suspicion. He hadn’t bought Raisa’s story about the will. I was sure he knew I’d told her about the SD card, but he didn’t bring it up.

---