Page 92 of Avenged

He nodded, his own eyes filling with tears. I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t see him cry and not break, so I turned without another word and left. I started my car and drove up the coast to Jada’s house, trying to forget everything that had happened in the last two days. Trying to just remember I’d had a friend called Truck.

When I got to Jada’s house, a woman answered the door who said she was the housekeeper. Jada’s home was more mansion than house, and it seemed oddly fitting that it came with a live-in staff. It was a world I couldn’t relate to. She said Jada and Violet were out at the festival but showed me the room the girls had moved my stuff into. It was strange having my own space again after sharing with Violet for the last few weeks.

We’d shared a room for more years of our lives than we’d ever had separate ones. The only time we’d truly had our own space was at Mandy and Leena’s. I washed my face and brushed my teeth in the bathroom attached to the room—another privilege after having shared the tiny bathroom at Truck’s with the four of us. I used the pelvic wand in hopes that the tension and pain would ease and hating with every part of me that it was in my life. That it was something that would never go away. That, like all of the other things in my life these days, I couldn’t tear it apart in shreds and throw it away.

Then, I lay in the bed, waiting for Violet to come back.

It was almost midnight when I heard their laughter coming down the hall. Jada’s voice continued past the door. Violet had stopped outside my room. She tapped lightly on the wood before opening it. She had a smile on her face that dimmed slightly as she took me in. She was dressed in an outfit that didn’t belong to her. Between the tight plaid dress and the makeup on her face, she looked much older than sixteen. She looked the age she probably felt. My heart wasn’t sure it could take much more today. My sister was ready to move on and up in the world. I’d wanted it for her at the same time it made me sad, because I wasn’t sure I could give her everything she needed as she stepped out of my narrow hold into a world full of as much hatred as love.

She plopped down on the bed next to me.

“You had fun?” I asked.

She nodded. “Being with Jada always allows me to forget for a little while.”

I was painfully aware of all the things she wanted to forget: our father, her lost spleen, the attitude of the town after the accident. Her lost spleen wasn’t the only reason we’d decided to have her go to school online. The thought of her having to go to the high school which had lost its music teacher because of our family was more than either of us could have taken. Not when they’d threatened to tape me to a flagpole and throw rocks at me.

I hated to completely wipe the smile from her face, but I felt like I had to tell her the truth before she somehow heard it from someone else. Before my dad took it upon himself to contact her instead of me. I didn’t want that to come between us like last night had come between Truck and Dawson.

“What?” she asked.

I realized I’d been worrying my ring—a tell I’d tried so hard to break, but it wouldn’t let go of me.

“I saw Dad.”

She froze, her entire body going stalk still. Her eyes widened, and then she breathed out. “What?”

I didn’t answer. She’d heard me.

After she’d taken the time to adjust to the news, she asked, “Why in hell would you go see him?”

I sat up, crossing my legs, and holding the pillow against my stomach, hoping I could make her understand everything enough for her to forgive me for keeping it from her.

“He wrote me a letter about a parole board hearing where they would be considering his early release.”

“Holy shit!” I let her process this as well. The fact that if he was out, my guardianship of her would come to an end. That, if he wanted, he could demand she live with him again. I didn’t know if she realized he would. That it would be a matter of pride for him, having his family back, as if he’d been the wronged person. She did; I saw it as it registered. But instead of being upset, her face turned angry for the second time that day.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you take me with you?”

“I didn’t want to upset you. And I had to see for myself?”

“Upset me! I’m not two, Jersey. When will you get that through your head? You aren’t in this alone. You’ve never been in it alone. I may have only been ten, but I wasn’t a child even when this all started.”

She was right, and she was wrong. She had been a child, and I’d wanted to protect her from the things I should have been protected from. I didn’t want her to live my life.

I swallowed hard. “You’re right.”

She seemed ready to continue to argue, but my admitting she was right took some of the wind out of her sails.

“What did he say?”

“He wanted me…us…to testify on his behalf.”

“No fucking way.”

“Don’t sw?”

“Not the time, Jers.”

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