Page 87 of Avenged

“Just listen,” he protested calmly.

“Did you even think about how you would pay for it if you crashed it?”

“Just fucking listen.”

“I’m done listening,” I said and turned, opening the door and waving him out.

He stood, but he stopped a few feet away from me. His face was now full of his own anger, but no shame or regret. Like Jersey’s dad who hadn’t once regretted his own actions.

“He’s the one who set up the goddamn race!” Dawson said, arms crossed against his chest in a mirror of my own stance. The words slowly penetrated my veil of anger as we stood staring each other down.

“Who?”

“Dax. After we fixed it, he and I took it for a spin. It was just supposed to be a test drive so he could see it was working, but we got talking about boats and racing, and he asked me to put it through its paces. He was impressed, and that’s when he hired me to run the race for him. He set it up and fronted the money. We agreed on terms based on where I placed. If I won, I was to get half the winnings.”

I let the facts settle over me. It didn’t assuage my anger, but it at least assuaged my fear that he had stolen the boat.

“An illegal race,” I finally said.

Dawson shrugged. “It’s like street racing. You get a text and you show up. Tons of money floating around. He’d never won before but thought the boat could.”

“You were the only one taken,” I asserted, frustrated still.

“Because I was the only one to cross the finish line. All the others wussed out. Saw the Coast Guard and ran. Now, Dax and I both get the money.”

My anger flared again. “This was about money? You risked your life, a gazillion dollar boat, and my career for money!”

Dawson’s anger turned deadly at my words. “So, you're just like Dick now, huh? All you care about is your fucking career.”

We stared at each other, because that was how it sounded, but I wanted to believe he knew the truth. That I didn’t care a wit about my career if he got killed continuing to do the thing that had gotten him in this predicament to begin with.

“Daw. You know that’s not true,” I tried to say, but it was hard to say it and not have the anger still there, and that’s what he chose to hear. The anger instead of the love.

“I’m outta here. I’m gonna go stay with Rusty. He already told me he had a room if I needed it.” He pushed past me and out of the room. He strode off toward the main doors.

“Dawson!” I called after him.

“Fuck off, Truck.” He said it so disparagingly I knew it was a slam against not only my career, but also all the people who called me by that name.

That was why I didn’t go after him. Because the woman I loved had started calling me by that name the same day. And now I’d hurt her, and Dawson, and myself. Our lives were so screwed up I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about any of it. About Dawson or Jersey. I wasn’t sure I could be the person either of them needed to hold them together as their lives came crumbling apart.

Jersey

JUST WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST

“Cause I need you more than I needed you before,

And now where I’ll find comfort, God knows.”

Performed by Randy Vanwarmer

Written by Randy Vanwarmer

After Truck left, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I was worried about him and Dawson, and I was wondering what had happened. Why had Dawson gone off the rails when he’d seemed to be getting his life on track? What would it do to Truck?

For the hundredth time, I thought about the fact that he was now Truck in my head. That somewhere along the way, the impersonal Travis had been replaced with the very personal nickname. I wanted to say I didn’t know how it had happened, but I did. It had happened one kind word, one gentle touch, one glorious hug after another. I’d thought he’d slowly broken through my defensive shield, but I realized now that he hadn’t broken it; I’d let him in. I’d wanted to let him in.

My muscles were groaning at me. I’d used them a lot in the last twenty-four hours—more than in years. And they weren’t necessarily happy with the use. I changed the sheets, knowing Violet would be home in a few hours, and there was no way I was letting her sleep on sheets Truck and I had made love in.

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