Page 72 of Avenged

“Lives? Lives! How dare you speak to me about lives ruined. You have no idea.”

The guard finally opened the door, and I pushed past him. I almost ran toward the exit. I could hear Travis following me. I could hear Dad yelling, but I couldn’t hear the words anymore. I reached the security and had to slow down. My entire body was shaking, and I was fighting for air. I needed out. I needed away from all of it, but especially the voice echoing through my head about lives ruined.

I heard Travis’s shoes on the hard floor as he caught up to me. The guards handed us our belongings, and my hands shook so much I dropped my phone. Travis picked it up, and then grabbed my hand, leading me out. Leading me away from the dark stone walls and into the summer sunshine.

The sun warmed my face and my body, reminding me I wasn’t stuck in Dad’s world of despair anymore. And yet, I’d forced myself to live that way. I’d let myself continue to be invisible. I’d let myself go through life as if I warranted every punch it had thrown at me…that he’d thrown at me.

Travis stopped, pulling me into his arms. Into his warmth. His heart was pounding a furious beat in his chest underneath my ear. I felt safe. I felt seen. I felt wanted.

Wanted.

Dad hadn’t wanted us. Me or Violet. He’d wanted Mom, and she’d wanted us, so he’d had us to make her happy. The things he’d done for me as a small child suddenly took on a whole separate meaning. He’d done them to see her smile, my happiness becoming hers, becoming his.

God, that was so screwed up. Love was so screwed up.

“I’m sorry.” Travis’s words reverberated through me. There was so much regret in his voice, and I hated that I was the cause of it.

“Why are you sorry?” I asked, my voice shaky and hesitant, quieter than I normally was, but he still heard me. I had a feeling Travis would always hear me.

“I’m sorry he took your hope and stepped all over it.”

It hurt. The hope that was squashed. The hope that Travis had seen so clearly. “I just want to go,” I said.

His arms tightened as if he was trying to reassure me without words one more time before he let go. He opened the truck door for me like he had every time I’d ridden with him. He waited for me to buckle in, and then he ran a hand over my hair. “You’re incredible.”

“What?”

“I don’t know many people who could have lived through as many losses and illnesses and heartaches as you and still be the caring and loving person you are. You haven’t let it change you. Look at your father. One loss changed him into something dark. You’ve had so many, and you’re still lit up from the inside out.”

I was shaking my head at him, trying not to cry. I hadn’t wanted to cry once in there with Dad, but Travis’s kindness…it would be my undoing. “I did change. I let it change me.”

“You may be quieter and less outgoing, but you aren’t full of hate. You aren’t whining at the world for what it’s handed you.”

He ran a thumb over my cheek, and I closed my eyes, letting myself enjoy the touch. Letting myself feel the strength of his friendship. The strength of him.

“Let’s go home,” he said. He shut the door and joined me inside the cab, driving back toward the house he’d called home. The house where I’d been working in the garden as if it really was my home. As if I could stay there when it was so obvious I couldn’t.

? ? ?

On the way back to New London, my brain played on repeat the entire visit. I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell Violet. I had to tell her something—just not today. She had plans with Jada to go to the Sailfest this weekend, and I wanted her to just enjoy it. To get out of the house a little more than she had ever before. Her trip to New York had made me realize that my own fears were forcing her to live a half-life even more than me, and I didn’t want that for her. I didn’t want her to be one of the invisible Banner girls.

Since she’d been back, she’d also been helping me cover Mandy’s shifts at the bookstore. Wil had graciously put Violet on the books, and between the two of us, we were bringing in a little more money than we were used to. It was going to help me pay off the driver’s ed classes I’d had to put on my credit card.

Thinking about how excited she’d been when I told her about the classes brought a small smile to my hurting heart. She’d squealed almost as loud as I’d squealed when she’d told me she’d won the Comic Con tickets. It had been worth every dime I was going to have to pay in interest charges to see her so happy.

As we entered the town, Travis asked, “Shall we stop by Nate’s and pick up dinner?”

“I think I’m going to go relieve Wil at the bookstore,” I answered. Wil had covered for me today because I hadn’t wanted to tell Violet about the trip to the prison.

“What? Why?”

“I feel bad I had to ask him to cover for me again. And if I go back to the house, I’ll just obsess over everything that happened today.”

“I get that. But come home and eat first,” he pushed.

“I’m not really hungry, Travis.”

“You have to eat. You’re wasting away,” he told me.

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