Page 51 of Avenged

“I have some pamphlets,” Dr. Price said, pulling some brochures from a box on the wall and handing them to me. I took them silently, praying for the moment we could leave. “The physical therapy office will call to set up a series of appointments, and I want you to schedule a phone appointment with me in six weeks so we can determine the next steps based on how you’re feeling. If you think of any questions, please don’t hesitate to message me on our secure network.”

Travis stood, still holding my hand, and then stuck out his other hand to the doctor. “Thank you for your time and help.”

“It’s my pleasure. That’s what I’m here for.”

She opened the door, and we followed her out. She went to the left, and we went to the right toward the waiting room. He didn’t let go of my hand, and I didn’t pull away. If Dr. Chaos was at work, he’d somehow gotten this part wrong, because being held by Travis was one of the best things to happen to me in a very long time. That scared me just like Travis had said the night before. But I wasn’t scared of him; I was scared of me. Of my reaction to him.

I was scared of letting someone past my shield, because the last time I’d done that, it had ended in heartbreak and death and misery.

We were both quiet on the way back to New London. Travis was, oddly, giving me the time and space I needed to process the entire morning. To process the diagnosis and the things the doctor had said and done. I was grateful for the time. I was grateful he’d been there all morning. I was grateful he’d come into my life at all, continuing to rescue me. No. Not rescuing me. I hadn’t really needed rescuing. It was more like he’d stepped up to be the extra board in my back. The extra mettle I needed to face the world and the things that were happening to me which were out of my control.

I’d always had Violet, but I didn’t burden her with the more serious things when she was ten and recovering from so many of her own losses. In the last couple years, I’d had Mandy and Leena, but I hadn’t wanted to burden them either. They were already sticking their necks out for us when they knew what the majority of the town thought of us.

I realized, sitting in the vehicle with Travis, that it was nice having someone to stand by you when the world was shimmering and turning into a different dimension you couldn’t quite understand. It was more than nice. It was everything. And that made my heart ache all over again, because I couldn’t keep him. I couldn’t turn my fake husband into a real one. And I shouldn’t want to. He had Dawson to look after. I had Violet to look after. We both had people we had to put first in our lives rather than us. Rather than a partner. Eventually, he’d be moving on, and I’d be staying in New London with Violet.

We’d signed a contract that needed to be abided by. He had his freedom. I had mine. I certainly wasn’t his type. I had Liesl’s image burned into my brain, after all. He’d been the one to suggest the contract to begin with, and I had to assume he’d felt the need for it.

I had to face the facts. Why on earth would anyone want to be tied forever to a mess like me?

Truck

LIED ABOUT LOVE

“Who tricked your heart and left you lonely baby,

Ain’t supposed to keep you up all night.

Put tears in your eyes,

So who, who lied about love to you.”

Performed by Larry Fleet

Written by Wall / Wallace / Ginsberg

When we pulled into New London, I was reluctant to go home for some reason. Maybe because I was afraid she’d go back into hiding in the bedroom. Maybe because I was literally starving after having had no food since the spaghetti she’d made us the night before.

“Let’s get something to eat,” I said, and she looked away from the window to me.

“Okay.”

I took it as a silent victory that she was agreeing without a fight. “Tacos good?” I asked.

She nodded.

We pulled into Pedro’s, which was really no more than a taco truck turned drive-thru, except you got out to order, and there were two picnic benches if you were lucky enough to get a seat at one. Today, they were already taken.

My phone chimed, and I looked down to see a text from Eli.

ELI: How’s everything going with the wife living in your bedroom?

ME: Stop what you’re implying.

ELI: Mac says you were crazy for her before she was your wife and living with you. How’s it really going?

ME: I can’t talk about it right now.

ELI: Because you’re with her?

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