Page 29 of Avenged

“She’s head to toe, body and soul

So beautiful, she don't even know.”

Performed by Chris Lane

Written by Buxton / Dragstrem / Archer

My phone had been on silent all morning, but during the ceremony the judge performed, it was buzzing nonstop in my pocket. It usually meant a three-way texting string with Mac and Eli. I refused to look at it. Instead, I concentrated on Jersey.

But concentrating on her was all kinds of hard because she looked beautiful. I wish I could have found a different word, a word that stood for more than beautiful, because, really, that was her. Whatever she’d done to her hair and makeup had taken everything she was and accentuated it a thousand degrees. It brought out the blue in her eyes. It showed off the curve of her jawbone and the tiny drops of honey that graced her nose and cheeks. Her hair was shining in pale waves that reminded me of the ocean foam kicking off the bow of a boat. Swirls of barely-there color.

My heart wasn’t supposed to be involved in this agreement at all. My heart was supposed to be tucked behind my rib cage where it belonged, but looking down into her sweet face and saying the words, “I do,” made my chest ache. As if my heart was being pulled from its place in my rib cage and being handed over to her.

I hadn’t kissed her. My lips had never touched a single part of her body, and yet, the moment I said, “I do,” I felt like I belonged to her. That was the moment I knew I was in trouble.

We’d signed a contract saying we could date other people and go our separate ways, and I knew I wasn’t interested in any of that. We’d signed a contract saying no kissing and no sex, but at that moment, looking down into her perfectly shaped face with its smooth skin, I wanted to do both of those things. Kiss her. Touch her. Make her mine like, somehow, I’d already become hers.

How and when had it happened?

Was it love? Was it lust? Was it an insane protective instinct built into male hormones, requiring us to protect and cherish the person we said “I do” to? All I knew was, I was a bag of mixed, confused thoughts and emotions. A bag I couldn’t open at the moment to unravel the truth because I had to keep it together and get through the ceremony.

The judge said, “I now pronounce you man and wife. Feel free to kiss away,” and I heard Violet laugh. Jersey looked down at our hands, twined together. Ringless hands. Hands that had no way of marking the huge step we’d just taken.

I hadn’t been nervous all morning. I hadn’t once questioned what I was doing. And now, I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. My brain was screaming, “What have you done?”

I wasn’t sure.

I raised her hand and touched the soft skin with my lips. She watched the movement, as if carefully assessing what I did, if I’d go past the lines of our agreement. I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not if I wanted to stay sane.

The judge seemed confused by the action. Maybe he’d never heard of the Marriage For Benefits app. Maybe the people demanding to be married the same day they got a license were all so in love that he’d never seen two adult people claiming each other in the least possible way. By a signature and not by bodies. Who knew? Not me. I’d just realized that I knew absolutely nothing.

What I did know was I suddenly needed more air than existed in the room.

I needed Dawson to pull me off a ledge instead of the other way around. I needed my brother. A brother. One of my friends to reassure me I’d really done the right thing.

We signed what we needed to sign and left, the stenographer and the bailiff having witnessed the marriage since Violet wasn’t old enough to sign a contract and Dawson had been at his new job. No one had witnessed the marriage. No one who mattered to me.

We left the room, and as soon as we got outside, I pulled my phone from my pocket. As I figured, it was a string of texts between Eli and Mac. They were harassing me about my lack of response, putting together a whole series of possibilities about why I wasn’t answering, including my hand being on my penis.

Normally, I would have come back with something funny. Something snide and derogatory. But at the moment, I was a little stunned, so I told them the truth.

ME: Sorry. Was getting married and couldn’t answer the phone.

ELI: Ha! Good one.

MAC: Married to your schlong? No one else is going to marry your pale, white ass.

I ran a hand over my face.

ME: Do you miss my ass that much? I can take a picture and send it to you if you need one. But in this case, I wasn’t joking. I got married this morning.

MAC: Send me a picture, and I’ll be putting it in the morning “brief”ing. *** laughing emoji***

ELI: Wait? Are you serious?

ME: I got married today. I got married today. I got married today.

The texts were slow in coming back to me. I felt a hand on my arm, the warmth searing its way through my jacket and into my skin. I didn’t have to look to know it was Jersey.

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