Page 13 of Avenged

She stared at me for a moment.

I sat up and started to get out of the bed before she realized how serious I was.

“Okay. Fine. Ed, wheel her back.” She turned and started off down the hall. “But don’t leave until I can come talk to you about the ultrasound results.”

I lay down, and Ed wheeled me back to the room. Violet jumped up out of the chair. “That was quick.”

I just nodded. I didn’t want her to know I’d told them not to do the MRI. She would just nag at me, and there was really nothing we could do about it. It was moments like these, moments when everything in our life piled on top of me, that I allowed myself a tiny violin moment of anger toward our dad. That he’d cost us everything, including the health insurance he’d had working in the shipyard. Then, I shoved the thoughts behind me and thought about the good things again. My number one good thing was sitting in front of me.

With the doctor coming back soon, I needed to get Violet out of the room. I didn’t want her to hear any of it. I wanted to be able to craft the story and the diagnosis as I needed to in order to save her from the worst of it.

“Can you go check on Travis?” I asked. “Will you let him know I’m almost done here? I hate to have him waiting for us all night.”

Violet’s eyes narrowed. That’s the thing about sisters who grow up as close as we had—they can read each other fairly well. She was suspicious, and I couldn’t blame her, because if our roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have left the room.

“Please, Violet. You were the one who called him,” I said, unafraid to use a little guilt.

“Fine,” she huffed and left the room.

She’d barely turned the corner when the doctor came back in. She took a seat in the chair Violet had vacated, pulling it closer to the bed.

“How long have you been having such horrible menstrual cycles?” she asked.

“I’ve always had painful cycles, but they’ve gotten worse over the last year or so.”

“I believe you had an ovarian cyst burst, which added to your normal pain. It’s likely responsible for the vomiting as well. Has anyone mentioned endometriosis or adenomyosis to you?”

I’d suspected for a while now that I might have endometriosis or something along those lines. Especially when no one I knew had the level of pain I had with my periods. But a little part of my brain had always wondered if I wasn’t just a big wuss. Had wondered if the pain I was experiencing was really what everyone else experienced, but they were able to handle it better. To handle it with more grace and strength.

“No. No one’s mentioned it,” I said. I wasn’t lying; no one had ever mentioned it because I’d never been to see an OB/GYN. “Is there a prescription you can give me?”

“This is much more serious than just a prescription,” she said.

“It’s just painful cramps, right?” I asked, pushing aside the little voice inside that was starting to worry at her persistence.

“No. It’s more serious than that. The ultrasound showed some vague masses. It’s always hard to see endometrial material on imaging. But the amount of bleeding and clotting you’re having?the level of pain?none of it is normal. While there are medicines I can prescribe to help lessen the pain of the cycles, a specialist can run more tests and suggest a much better holistic approach to handling it.”

I scoffed, because seeing a specialist so wasn’t going to happen.

“If you don’t take care of yourself now, it can lead to much worse complications later,” she said with a warning tone in her voice.

“Like what?”

“Trouble conceiving, painful intercourse, and while adenomyosis is usually benign, it might also be a precursor to malignancy.”

My heart froze and then rushed back into action, booming like I was running a marathon. I breathed out, “What?”

“I’m not saying you’ll end up with cancer, but with your family’s history, it isn’t something to take lightly.”

It hit me somewhere deep inside my chest. The talk of cancer. The talk of future babies. It was like the moment Dad and Mom had told me about Mom’s own battle. The battle she’d lost. It was like the phone call from the police officer, telling me Dad and Violet were at the hospital.

“If you continue without care, even if it never turns malignant, there’s a very good possibility you’d have trouble conceiving in the future,” she said.

Did I even want children? I hadn’t ever considered the question. I had never looked that far into my future. I was in survival mode with Violet and focusing on getting her on her feet. I was in the mode of getting us both to the next phase of our lives with degrees and careers. I didn’t want or need a relationship with someone who would just end up disappointing me. Leaving me. But the thought of not being able to have babies if I wanted to at some point…the thought of that right being taken away from me…it hurt. It stabbed at wounds and sores inside my soul that I was always trying to hold shut.

And the cancer thought… I just shut it down. I wouldn’t be leaving Violet on her own. It was not an option. Ever again.

My face must have shown some of the shock I felt, because her brisk attitude softened some. “This isn’t just cramps. I strongly suggest you see a specialist before it gets worse.”

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