Page 94 of Avenged

“Who said anything about love?”

She just stared at me like she could read my soul, and she probably could. She probably knew there were things I was holding back from her about both Truck and Dad. We were sisters. We were friends. We were each other’s whole world. At least, we had been, until two men walked into our lives and pulled at the edges of us, unraveling us. But I could put us back together. I’d knit the ends, and tie the knots, and we’d be just like we were before. Safe and whole. But my heart screamed a little at that. My heart was fighting against going back to the shadows.

Truck

BE PATIENT WITH MY LOVE

“Cause I’m comin’ back, back to my senses,

I’m comin’ back like holy redemption.

I’m comin’ back to the man that I was,

So please don’t give up.”

Performed by Lady Antebellum

Written by West / Kelley / Barnes

I lay awake in my own bed with sleep evading me. Besides the brief nap I’d taken there when I’d had Jersey tangled in my arms, I hadn’t slept in it for weeks. Now the house was silent. I was completely alone. Jersey and Violet had moved to Jada’s place. Dawson had moved into the grandparents’ unit out back of Rusty’s house. I was alone.

It had been two days since I’d held Jersey. It had been two days since Dawson had been arrested and let go. I was on leave. I’d had plenty of time to dwell on every single thing I’d done right and done wrong. I was trying hard not to turn back into the angry man I’d been when I’d left Texas for the Coast Guard. I was trying hard not to be the overgrown spoiled child I’d accused Dawson of being. But at the end of the day, I couldn’t prevent the truth from reverberating through my head and soul: I’d screwed up.

I’d screwed up with Dawson by not giving him the attention he needed and then blowing it completely by throwing my harsh words at him at the base.

But I’d also screwed up with Jersey. I’d known when she allowed me to go with her to see her father that I couldn’t screw it up. That she’d had too many men in her life do just that, and yet, when the shit hit the fan in my life, I’d done the same exact thing. I’d walked away. Worse, I’d let her walk away.

I hadn’t meant it. I hadn’t meant it with either of them. I may have retreated, for a moment, to that reflective, whiny asshole I’d been when Ava’s dad had messed my plans up, but I was damned sure not going to live that way for another four years.

I reached for my phone and sent a text to the one person who I knew I could count on to stop me from going off the cliff completely.

ME: I fucked up.

It was two in the morning, which meant it was midnight in Rockport. Eli and Ava were probably just getting home from the bar they owned. I was hoping I wasn’t going to wake him, Ava, or the baby, but I couldn’t stand my own thoughts a moment longer.

ELI: You act like this is a surprise.

ME: *** one fingered emoji ***

ELI: What happened?

ME: Dawson was arrested. I slept with my wife. They’ve all moved out.

ELI: I didn’t realize you were so lousy in the sack you’d actually cause someone to move out after they slept with you.

ME: Fuck you too. The sex was off the charts, thank you very much.

ELI: Mom’s gonna be pissed if you hurt Jersey.

ME: I got too involved with her and her sister when I should have been looking after my own brother.

I rubbed my face and then went back to flicking my nails. I was pretty sure I’d make them bleed before I went back to work.

ELI: What happened with Dawson?

ME: More boat racing. Some random pop-up race like street racing. Some guy with more money than God slapped down some big ones for Dawson to race his cigar boat. At fucking night. They got popped by our pals.

ELI: Shit. Does he need a lawyer?

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