Page 105 of Avenged

I pushed his hand away. “Not gonna happen. Jersey wants nothing to do with me.”

“She wants nothing to do with me; there’s a difference. She’s your wife.”

“In name only.”

“You want to tell me those condom wrappers in the garbage in the bathroom weren’t from you and her? You got some other woman on the side I don’t know about?”

Shit. I’d buried the ones in the kitchen, but I hadn’t thought twice about the ones in the bathroom. I’d dumped them into the garbage and almost ran back to her side so I could pull her curvy, white body up close against me.

“She won’t leave New London,” I said, because it was true. She’d never left it. She wasn’t going to start now.

“She loves you.”

I wasn’t sure about that. I was sure she felt something for me. Enough to let me in when she hadn’t let anyone in for a very long time—if ever. And I didn’t mean sexually, although that had been the case, too. We had a connection that was more than I’d ever felt with another human being on this planet, and I didn’t doubt she felt something close to that as well, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t ask her to abandon her home, regardless of whether or not Vi came with us.

“We signed a contract. We both knew I’d ship out eventually.”

“Yeah, eventually was supposed to be two years. You would have had plenty of time to convince her you loved her as much as she loves you.”

“You keep saying that like you have some inner goddamn knowledge of how her brain works,” I said, getting up and putting my uneaten food in the fridge for later.

“Violet told me.”

“Told you what?”

“That Jersey is in love with you. That she’s got drawings of you filling up that sketchpad of hers. That she’s mooning after you.”

I couldn’t help the wave of hope that crashed into me. If Violet had noticed, maybe it was true. Maybe I did have a chance. I certainly could take them both with me, if only she’d let me take care of them. It wasn’t something Jersey was good at, leaning on others. But goddamn it, she deserved it. She deserved someone looking out for her every moment of every day. She deserved the chance to be the happy Jersey who shined like a meteorite speeding through our atmosphere.

“I don’t know how to convince her I love her. That she belongs with me. I don’t know how to ask her to drop everything in her world to follow me in mine.”

“Well, lucky for you, you’ve got lots of people to help you,” he said.

“Yeah? You think you can convince her?”

“No way. Like I said before, she hates my guts right now, and I can’t really blame her. But you have Mandy and Leena. You have Violet. You have Eli with all his goddamn words. If you ask them, they’ll help you.”

Maybe. Could I pull it off with help? I’d never imagined myself married when I’d looked into my future. I’d only seen the Coast Guard and my family and friends. I’d seen Dawson and taking care of him. But that future didn’t seem as fulfilling anymore because of one woman. She’d slowly ebbed into my life and taken over it. I’d thought I’d been saving her, but I think she really saved me. She’d shown me what was really important. I loved my job, but I realized with a start that I’d give it up in a flash if it meant I could still be with her. A future… One with her at my side. That seemed like a fucking paradise.

I couldn’t leave the Coast Guard until my contract was up, and that wasn’t for another four years, but I’d leave if she wanted me to at the end of it. I could put her first. I would put her first, because that was what a wife deserved. It’s what Jersey deserved—someone who put her needs before anything else.

Dawson didn’t need that. He didn’t even want that. He wanted to be a man, standing on his own, with a brother who helped him out when he needed a lift. Jersey didn’t need me to fight her battles or rescue her like a superhero, but she did need someone who would fight for her love. Someone who would stand next to her and prove to all those people who’d made her feel like she didn’t deserve a life full of joy that she did. That everyone did.

Jersey

ALL OUT OF LOVE

“Thinking of you till it hurts

I know you hurt too but what else can we do

Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart.”

Performed by Air Supply

Written by Davis / Russell

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