Page 103 of Avenged

I wasn’t sure how to reach him there, and I left for work each day with a heavy heart for more than one reason. I hadn’t made amends with him or Jersey. The two people I found I loved most in the world had pulled away from me, and I didn’t know how to bring them back. I wasn’t sure I could.

We’d just pulled the twenty-eight-foot cutter back to dock at the academy on Wednesday when I got called into Captain Andrews’ office. I left the ensigns with the lieutenant commander and headed back into the main building. I stood at attention while he gazed at his computer screen. It felt like more than the minute it probably was before he finally turned to face me.

“We need you in California.”

I stared at him, trying to let the words sink in.

“Is this because of Dawson?” I asked.

He looked back at the screen. “No.”

But he wouldn’t meet my gaze. They never moved you in the middle of an assignment. Not unless you’d fucked up royally. Not unless the fit was so bad that it was causing trouble in the unit. I was damn proud of my record in the Coast Guard. I was damn proud of the fact I was on track to someday be in charge of my own cutter. I was sure this was going to affect all of it as much as—if not more than—Ava’s dad had ever affected my career.

“Shit.” I couldn’t help the word as it slipped out. I was fucking exhausted. The last week had just about done me in. Hell, the last month and a half had just about stripped me bare. Ever since I’d moved out of Mandy and Leena’s, my entire life seemed to have collapsed in on itself.

“It’s not about your performance, Lieutenant. Your performance here and everywhere you’ve served has been exemplary.”

I swallowed hard. If it wasn’t about my performance, they wouldn’t be moving me in the middle of an assignment.

“This is an opportunity I couldn’t let pass you by. There’s one of the new high-speed boats being commissioned at PSU San Francisco. They’re looking for some of our best lieutenants to lead small four-man teams that will be in charge of her round the clock. You’ve been here, training our up-and-coming officers on the Chinook, and you’ve done a damn good job of it, but this puts you in line for your next promotion to Lieutenant Commander.”

I sat back, confused. If it was a demotion of sorts, then they wouldn’t be putting me on one of the Coast Guard’s newest vessels. They certainly wouldn’t have me leading my own team.

Captain Andrews stared me down for a moment. “It’s not a demotion, but the truth is, you’ve been distracted here. I don’t want that to get in the way of the long career I see ahead of you.”

Distracted was one word for it. I gave him a curt nod.

“Thank you, sir.”

He stood, and I followed.

“When do I leave?”

“They want you there by August first. I assumed you’d take some leave before then.”

What he was saying was for me to get my shit figured out before I showed up at my next assignment. He was giving me an unwritten warning at the same time as he was giving me a gift. A chance to run my own crew. Sure, it was a small crew, but I’d be on one of the fastest boats we’d ever had in the Coast Guard’s service.

“Dismissed,” he said.

I wished we weren’t indoors, because I wanted to salute him. I wanted to show the respect and gratitude I felt. I just turned and left.

I sat in my pickup for a long time, thoughts of Dawson and Jersey flooding me. Would Dawson come with me? What would happen if I left him here on his own again? Like I’d left him in Clover Lake where he’d self-destructed. What would happen to Jersey? Would she return to the shell of a person who floated around like a ghost? Would she ever let someone in enough to love her again?

Goddamn, that hurt. I didn’t want anyone else to love her. I wanted to be the one to shower her with so much love that she was always lit up like that sunlit, sparkling vase she let out of the dark corners with me. I didn’t want to leave her. I was still trying to find a way to get her back. I sure as hell couldn’t do that from the other side of the country, but I also knew she’d never leave New London. She wasn’t like me. She wouldn’t leave Violet to fend for herself like I’d left Dawson.

I turned the engine over and drove back to the cottage.

Dawson wasn’t in front of the TV. Instead, he was showered, shaved, and in the kitchen, cooking burgers and tots. I wasn’t sure what to think about it. He’d removed the bandage from his hand, and there was a nasty line of stitches going from the knuckle of his index finger down between his thumb and over the palm.

He barely looked up as I came in.

“I was wondering if you’d be here before I left,” he said and reached over to grab a second plate from the cabinet to the right of him.

He handed me the dish, and we were silent while we added ketchup, barbecue sauce, and more salt than was in a cup of ocean water to our food. We sat down at the table I had trouble looking at without thinking of how Jersey had looked spread out across it with me sliding into her. I set my burger down and rubbed my face.

“Where you off to?” I asked.

“Rusty’s. I figure I can still stand at a door with broken ribs. The stitches will just add to the don’t-mess-with-me vibe Rusty says I’ve become infamous for already,” Dawson said with a small smirk.

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