Page 124 of Forged By Sacrifice

He continued before I could speak again. “I need time to figure out what the fuck happened and find my friends, and you need time to decide how much you’re going to let your family screw with your life.”

This spiked the automatic defense of my family I always felt whether they deserved it or not. “They’re family, Mac. You know what that means.”

He nodded. “I do, but I’m not sure you’ve ever really had it. Maybe with your grandma. But definitely not with the people who have pursued their lives at the cost of yours.”

He swallowed hard, and I knew he was thinking that that statement reflected on him as well. That his pursuing his dreams had cost Darren his life…maybe Nash, too.

“You leaving the Navy didn’t cause this.”

He looked out the window to where the Capitol Building lights were flickering off as the daylight grew.

“It’s debatable. But what isn’t debatable is that I love you. That isn’t going to change tomorrow, or the next day, a year from now, or ten years from now. How many times did Darren get to say it to Tristan before he was gone? Life is so fucking short. Maybe we aren’t perfect, but we fit. Our bodies. Our souls.”

He shook his head and turned back to look at me on the bed, easing closer. “I don’t have my head on straight right now. I don’t have the ability to convince you because of all the other shit going on in here.” He tapped his head. “But this knows the truth.” He tapped his heart.

He closed the remaining distance between us so he could gently rap on my chest. “And this knows the truth. Everything else is the lie, Georgie. Everything else is the senses and the dreams that you can’t believe in. We’re the reality. And when I get back, we’ll figure it out.”

My heart leapt. My heart wanted to believe it. I just couldn’t see the end zone from the fifty-yard line. I wasn’t even sure it existed.

“I wish you were staying here with Dani. She needs someone.”

More guilt washed over me. But I would keep in touch. I wasn’t abandoning her completely. I just needed to remove my FBI or CIA or NSA tail out of their immediate world.

“I’ll look in on her. I promise,” I told him.

He went to the steps, and I couldn’t help calling after him.

“Mac?”

He nodded at me.

“Be safe.”

He nodded again and said, “Damn, you make it hard to walk away.”

But then he did.

The heart that had been slowly splitting apart in my chest finally cracked open all the way, the pieces burning my insides. But I knew I’d survive it. Like I’d survived every other hurt that had come my way. I’d known ahead of time that I would have a scar left when everything with Mac ended. The white streak always reminded me of the losses of my childhood, and even though I didn’t have a visible mark from this, I’d always be able to feel the wound in my heart that was from Mac.

? ? ?

I moved into the apartment above Theresa’s garage and threw myself into school and the research I was doing for her. It seemed almost impossible that it had only been weeks since I’d begun work on her immigration case when it felt like years had passed. I tried not to think about Mac. I tried not to think about his words about my family, because it came too close to the anger that I’d already been feeling toward them ever since I’d met Mac. Ever since I’d truly wanted something that they were preventing me from having.

The first day he’d left, Mac had texted me a few times on both my old phone and the burner phone, as if he wasn’t sure which I’d respond to. At first, it was just to let me know he’d arrived, but shortly after that, a text had come in with a picture of Nash. A Nash with stitches above his dark brows and sorrow on his face, but a Nash who was alive. I would never know what happened on the mission or how he’d gotten out, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Mac wouldn’t feel the heavy burden of losing both his friends.

I’d picked up the phone and called him, unable to not share in this moment with him.

“I’m so happy he’s with you,” I’d croaked.

“He’s messed up. Emotionally, physically. We lost Darren and two others, and he’s dealing with more guilt than I am for surviving it. I’m not sure we’re good for each other right now, but at the same time, we are—if that makes any sense,” he’d said quietly.

“It does.”

“I miss you,” he’d said.

And I had missed him too, more than anyone I’d ever missed in my life, and he’d only been gone less than a day. I missed him maybe even more than my grandma. But just like time had eased the pain in my heart over her, I knew time would help us, too.

“I have to go,” I’d told him, and I’d imagined the sadness in his eyes at my words. “I just wanted you to know that I was so very glad that you got one of your friends back.”

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