CHAPTER 41
Evelyn
A pounding headache was what I woke up with. My body ached, my heart hurt and my mind raced with the memories of everything that happened. I didn't open my eyes, afraid that I would cry yet again. I was so tired of crying, so tired of that pointless, miserable life. It was nothing like I thought it would be. Bit by bit, everything that I wished my life would be was slipping through my fingers with no explanation.
Maybe I was paying for something I did in another life, or maybe I was in the wrong and this was my punishment for not seeing it earlier.
A warm hand touched my face with a gentle caress, making my breath hitch and numbing the pain of betrayal just a little. I could feel his eyes on me, analyzing and gauging my reaction.
You'll always be worth catching.
I lay there for I don't know how long, eyes closed and hiding from the rest of the world. That's all I wanted to do. When someone takes something like your intimacy and your sense of privacy away like they own it, like it doesn't matter, it does a number on your self-esteem.
The world gets a view of your life without your approval, making you feel like you have no right to decide anything on your own. It makes you paranoid, resentful…cautious. I didn't think I would be able to live without worrying that someone was watching me as I slept or as I showered.
It wasn't until I felt a tear running down my cheek that I realized I was crying. My chest felt tight, like all the feelings were just underneath the surface, threatening to burst free at any moment. I didn't want that, I didn't want to cry anymore.
“Open your eyes,” Nathan said softly, his tired and aching voice somehow soothing the wound. “Open your eyes, Evie. Let me see you.”
I swallowed and took a deep breath. Opening my eyes would mean that it was all real. It would mean that there was a reality that I would have to face; I couldn't just hide away and pretend that it was all a nightmare. I wasn't sure I was ready for that.
“I don't want to,” I replied.
I held on to the sheets, trying to shield myself from reality, but reality kept trying to push itself in. Reality wanted me to face it.
“I feel lost,” I whispered. “How do I stop feeling this way?”
“First you need to open up your eyes to see where you're going.”
My heart was racing. However, I didn't have much of a choice. I could either let myself rot in that bed, wherever the hell we were, or I could try to muster up some strength.
With a sigh, I opened my eyes slowly, tentatively. I was met with the soft light of a lamp, the only thing illuminating the otherwise dark room. And then I was met with gray eyes that swirled with blue, so intense and worried that my breath caught in my throat. More than anything, it was the warm smile that accompanied them that made me falter.
It said everything would be okay.
That he wouldn't leave me, not again.
The problem was that I no longer believed it.
It was in that moment that I realized how broken my trust was. I didn't believe in anyone anymore. When it became too much to bear, I looked up to the ceiling and simply stared. His eyes were still on me but I couldn't look at him; I was ashamed.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“It's only five,” he murmured, brushing my hair out of my face. I tensed, both hating and craving more of his touch. I turned away from him not missing the way his smile fell. “You should rest more. I bet the hangover will suck if you're not at least well rested.”
“I'm fine,” I mumbled, closing my eyes.
I felt like complete and utter shit. There was so much to still confront, and I felt too weak to do it. All my courage was gone.
“Did you see it?” I wasn't sure that I wanted the answer to that question. If he saw it then that meant that not only did my class see it, but others probably had that video in their possession as well.
“David is handling it,” Nathan replied. That was my answer.
“The whole…school?”
“Your professor informed the Dean immediately. I'm sure it's being handled, Evie.”
Scoffing, I sat up, shaking my head. “It doesn't matter, Nathan. Everyone probably saw it already. Besides, you have nothing to worry about. Your face was blurred.”