The woman stilled, her body growing tense next to mine. I had no one else to tell. My friends wouldn't understand something that even I couldn't possibly wrap my head around and she'd find out through Carter anyways since he never hid anything from her.
“Is it wrong, Nana? That I feel this way about him? Does this make me a bad person?”
She sighed, moving back and glancing down at me. There was not a hint of judgment in her gaze, nothing other than care and…understanding. “Are you sure you're not just infatuated?”
Infatuation is admiring someone, something that fades away as soon as it appeared. It's short-lived, not strong.
This thing with Nathan had been growing over the past years. He'd been communicating with me constantly, always looking over me, showing me that he cared. Perhaps now that I was close to him, I finally realized my feelings, or they'd just begun to bloom. Either way, it didn't matter. I knew what I felt and it wasn't infatuation. Seeing the answer in my eyes, Nana nodded.
“I knew this would happen,” she said. I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding what she meant by that. “Hannah and him, they've been at a rocky place for a while. Their marriage hardly ever existed. I can't speak for either of them, but I know what I've seen, dear, and Nathan has never loved your sister.”
“Then why did they get married?” The question had been bothering me since I returned. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Why be with someone if they make you so miserable?
“That's not something I know,” Nana said with a sad smile. “But I do think he feels the same way about you and I'm not sure what to make of that.” She frowned, the gesture forming a crease on her forehead, her lips pressed together as she considered her words. “Has anything happened between you two?”
I could lie to everyone, even try to lie to myself, but not Nana.
“We've kissed.”
Once again my grandma sighed. “Life is strange, darling. It has a strange way of bringing people together, ways that in my many years of life I still don't understand. Whatever is going on between you and Nathan, you need to talk about it, set the cards on the table. If not, you will end up hurt, as will he and Hannah. Be wise, Evie. Don't act on impulse over temporary feelings.”
“You don't think less of me?”
“Of course not. Things like that can't be controlled, especially when in a situation like Nathan's. However, I can say that these situations never end well and I don't want you hurt.”
“I don't think he'd hurt me.”
“Maybe not on purpose,” Nana replied. “Now, get some rest, and try to clear your mind so you can figure out what you're going to do because you need to clear this up, and soon.”
I nodded, settling back on the bed.
Nana was right. The next morning, I woke up feeling better and with a determination I hadn't felt in a long time.
I was done trying to avoid my feelings.
Nathan and I would be having a conversation very soon.