Page 67 of The Happiness Project

‘No, but she was quite plain looking,’ Mum says. ‘No one would have given up my daughter for her.’

As much as I hate the denigration of any woman, I’m slightly boosted by Mum’s little compliment. Yet again, I know how shallow and needy this makes me appear.

‘It sounds as if he has, Mum,’ I tell her, mentally pulling on my big girl pants. ‘And I’m happy for him. I just wish he’d had the courage to tell me.’

‘Getting ahead of yourself again, Angela. I’m not finished yet.’ Mum pulls herself up tall in the seat, cradling her hands in front of her like a judge. ‘You see, I don’t think there was anything going on between them. There was no spark.’

I tell her all about Richard Branson’s advice and how a spark isn’t everything — love takes time to build and is about doing small things together. She waves my sage’s advice away with one hand.

‘He should stick to vacuum cleaners,’ she says.

‘That’s Dyson,’ I tell her. ‘Branson does space flight.’

‘Even more useless,’ she replies. ‘Now, shall we get back to the point?’

I nod and tell her I’d love to.

‘Little things give it away,’ Mum continues. ‘Look around this pub now and tell me who is having a good time and who isn’t.’

I do as I’m told and see those little things — the brush of a hand, the holding out of a chair, the genuine smiles and laughter. Those having a good time share food easily and seem to flow around each other like waltzing on the dance floor — it’s easy and effortless. And on the other hand, the silent sitting opposite each other glued to their phones, the folded arms and pursed lips. I know all of this as I used to watch other couples all the time when I was out with my ex. We used to guess which ones would last and which wouldn’t. Mum has made her point and I tell her so.

‘So, tell me what you saw with Michael,’ I ask.

‘I saw a keen woman — constantly reaching out to touch him on the arm and laughing at whatever he said. I also saw an indifferent man — or maybe the look was confused?’ says Mum. ‘He looked puzzled when she kept laughing at him and he certainly didn’t like being touched. I asked your dad what he thought and he said that it looked as if the bloke couldn’t wait to get away.’

‘How long did they stay?’ I ask.

‘Well, after she’d finished her drink, she got up to buy a round and he obviously just ordered a half-pint,’ Mum reads from her notes.

‘Two things to note there,’ says Mum but I’m way ahead of her.

‘He didn’t leap up and insist on buying the drink and he didn’t order a pint because he didn’t want to extend the evening.’

‘You’re learning, sweetheart. Then, when the woman was in the bathroom, he took out his phone and rang someone. When she returned he held the phone up as if he’d just got a message and had to go. The woman looked crestfallen but seemed to be making other suggestions. He just kept shaking his head and stood up. She leaned in to kiss him and he quickly presented the side of his cheek.’

I’m liking the sound of all this, but just because he was with someone he didn’t gel with that night doesn’t explain why he ditched me without a word. I say all of this to Mum.

‘I know,’ she says thoughtfully. ‘And it could be that this is who he is; you said he was widowed, so maybe he’s just trying out a number of women to find someone to replace his wife. He might be extremely efficient at sussing them out and when he knows it won’t work just cuts his losses instantly. At least he doesn’t string them along.’

‘He doesn’t explain why it’s over either,’ I remind Mum.

‘Well, Operation Edith isn’t finished yet,’ she says.

‘Edith?’

‘From Downton Abbey — she has the worst luck in love ever,’ Mum tells me, clutching her palm to her chest. ‘Even worse than you.’

‘Gee, thanks.’

‘No need,’ she continues. ‘I’m going to continue this surveillance for the rest of the week and I will get to the bottom of what happened between you even if I have to lock him up in the cellar and shine a light in his eyes.’

‘Mum—’ I start to protest but she gives me a wave of the hand.

‘No need to thank me,’ she says. ‘It’s no bother at all.’

Chapter Thirty-Three: With a Little Help from My Friends

‘She’s right, you know,’ Charlie says as Mum explains her stalking episode to everyone in the Mercury Travel shop the next day.

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