Page 80 of The Happiness Project

‘Now, talking of lessons,’ continues Patty. ‘It’s been quite a year and I want to be sure that you all don’t fall to pieces while I’m away, so I’ve jotted down some advice for each of you.’

We all spontaneously put down our glasses and look up at her like obedient students.

‘Ed and Caroline,’ she begins. ‘Please don’t invite any more would-be stalkers to join the book club.’

The group laughs together.

‘That was strange,’ says Ed shaking his head. ‘Sarah seemed so nice initially.’

‘Do you know how she’s doing?’ asks Zoe.

‘Apparently very well — she’s taken up with the barman of the Rose and Crown,’ Caroline says. ‘He told me the other day when I was in there to reserve the book club table for the rest of the year. They’re smitten, so I hear.’

‘It didn’t take long to get over you, Michael,’ says Patty. ‘Unless she’s just biding her time.’

She gives me a look of mock horror as she speaks, but the very thought of Sarah stringing along someone else while she lies in wait actually terrifies me.

‘You’ll have to find a new venue if she moves in with him,’ says Mum.

Mum seems to have read my mind — I don’t think I’d ever trust that a drink she served me wouldn’t be laced with something nasty. I had really wanted to put all thoughts of Sarah behind me, so if she does become a fixture at the pub, I’ll ask Caroline if we can move the venue for the book club. I shake off the sense of dread that threatens to ruin the moment.

‘Now, Josie and Matt.’ Patty picks up her thread again. ‘To you I say this: if you’re ever going to take relationship advice from one of your bosses — make sure it’s Charlie.’

‘Oi!’ I exclaim. ‘I’m not that bad.’

The sympathetic looks around the table show no one is going to agree with me on that. Michael leans into me and tells them, ‘Some things are just worth waiting for.’

He gets a cheesy groan and a couple of bread rolls thrown at him.

‘Zoe and James,’ Patty continues. ‘Don’t work too hard, look after your gran and maybe find some time to make Bo-Peep a grandmother.’

Zoe blushes and puts her head in her hands.

‘I am in absolutely no hurry to be a grandmother,’ I reassure her.

‘And I’m not being a great-gran,’ adds my mum. ‘That sounds far too old.’

‘Okay,’ says Patty. ‘Then just have fun practising for when the time is right.’

Zoe shouts out, asking the ground to swallow her up, then tells Patty to kindly move on. As if conspiring to rescue my daughter, my phone rings and I know it’s a video call from the guys. I try to hold it up for the table and we all wave excitedly at them.

‘Wow,’ says Josie. ‘That place looks stunning.’

‘It is,’ gushes Charlie. ‘It’s my absolute dream location.’

They wish Patty the best of luck and ask her about the setlist.

‘We’ve added your song,’ she tells them. ‘“Time of My Life” — I think it’ll go down a storm.’

‘Not the best word to use in relation to a cruise.’ Peter laughs. ‘But I agree, I can just see you all doing that. It’s a shame Felipe isn’t there to show everyone the moves.’

‘There’s a dance instructor on board who’ll work with us on some simple group choreography,’ Patty says.

‘Sounds fabulous, but don’t have such a good time that you don’t want to come back,’ Charlie shouts.

‘Never,’ says Patty. ‘You’re my family.’

We all wave goodbye and Patty turns to me. I’d almost forgotten that I haven’t received any words of wisdom yet.

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