Page 55 of High Society

“Were there witnesses?”

He shakes his head. “None that came forward. The Good Samaritans who pulled you out of the car arrived after the crash.”

“But the authorities must have blamed it on something?”

“Reckless driving.”

“Dad? I remember him as such a good driver.”

“Not that day,” Walter mutters.

“What are you keeping from me, Papa?”

“You think I haven’t thought about this a million times?” His voice is thick. “Maybe your father had some kind of medical emergency? Maybe he fell asleep at the wheel? Why does it matter? Nothing will bring him back. How does it help to talk about it?” He pauses to swallow, and she sees a trembling in his throat. “Who does it help?”

CHAPTER 27

Thursday, April 18

All the recliners are full this morning. But it’s not because of any new tribe members. Tanya had wheeled the seventh chair out of the room earlier, arguing that it wasn’t needed since Holly had no groups of more than six. Holly saw right through her assistant’s excuse, appreciating that Tanya was only trying to protect her from reminders of Elaine.

Aside from JJ, the others had cruised through their first infusion after Elaine’s death. Holly can already sense the difference in the group. There’s less tension in their faces. The overall vibe in the room is much more relaxed. Except, of course, for JJ. She’s sitting in her usual chair this morning, but she has barely said a word and has avoided all eye contact since arriving. With her eyes glued to the floor, JJ’s glossy black hair is a curtain concealing her face.

“Not to be too graphic or anything.” Salvador giggles. “But it feels like the laxative finally kicked in after days and days of holding all that crap inside. Like poor JoJo.”

“Who’s JoJo?” Simon asks.

“One of my models. She was, anyway. Until the day she miscalculated her dose of laxatives before my show. Trust me, she wasn’t the only thing gliding down that catwalk.”

Baljit groans. “That’s gross, Sal. A literal shit show. But I got to admit it does make such a difference to get that little ketamine top-up.”

“Difference how?” Holly asks.

Baljit shrugs. “I can’t even put it into words.”

“It’s like a release,” Reese offers. “A circuit breaker in the cycle of craving.”

Simon jabs a finger in Reese’s direction “That’s exactly right! A circuit breaker. I love it!”

“But it’s nowhere near as intense as the dual therapy with ketamine and MDMA,” Liisa points out.

“That’s a good point.” Holly nods at her. “We wouldn’t expect to have such intense sensory-perceptual distortions using only a single psychedelic agent.”

“No idea what that mumbo jumbo means,” Salvador says. “But I’ll tell you this: that kitty flipping was wild! Totally OTT!”

“Did anyone have any visions on the ketamine alone?” Holly asks.

“No visions,” Simon says. “But I could feel everything super-intensely. The blindfold across my eyes, the pad of the chair against my back, and especially the music! Oh my god, the music! It was like it was coming from inside me. As if the whole band was playing inside my chest.”

Holly notices that JJ glances over to Simon, but she doesn’t remark on the similarities to what she described during her infusion.

“For me, it was more like a feeling,” Baljit says. “This sense of floating away from myself.”

“They call that depersonalization,” Liisa explains.

Baljit scoffs. “Whatever, Professor. But it didn’t feel like I was losing myself. It was more like I belonged to something else. Something bigger. Like the universe was giving me this giant bear hug.”

“Good,” Holly says. “That’s what we’re striving for.”

---