Page 103 of Look on the Bright Side

“Damned if I do, damned if I don’t,” she said. “I’m amazing for doing what I do, and I’m blamed for the same damn thing. You told her you wanted to be an APRN, and that’s bullshit, Gerald. I wanted you to do that. Do you know how it felt for me to read that? I’ve been jealous of you, because you got to semi-retire, then fully retire, and have the time to do all the things we’d put off for so long. I had to keep working, and while I was doing that, you reached out to someone else! You broke my heart, Gerald.”

She was crying now, and she put her hand up to her face so no one else could see.

She felt his hand on her arm. “I know,” he whispered. “I know. And I’m so, so sorry, honey.”

They stayed that way for a few minutes until she stopped with the tears. She hated crying. Hated it. She wiped her eyes, took a deep breath and finished her wine. Was this what their talk was supposed to accomplish? Was all this honesty actual progress? It felt more like doom.

They sat in silence a few minutes. At least she could still eat. No misery starvation for her, no sir. Joy’s trashy food, crap she’d avoided for decades, was delicious. Those cupcakes with the peel-off frosting? Fantastic. Bugles? Salty deliciousness. She’d probably gained ten pounds over the past few weeks.

“My father reamed me another orifice, by the way,” Gerald said. “Can’t wait till the kids find out and do the same. I’ll be Swiss cheese by the time they’re done.”

“Your father is a near-perfect human,” she said.

Gerald nodded. “Can’t disagree there.”

“Will you ever forgive him for being so…absentee when you were growing up?” There. Steer the conversation to other waters, because there was no point in staying in their storm-tossed waves.

He tilted his head, those blue eyes still so damn gorgeous. He had a little Paul Hollywood going on there, that salt-and-pepper hair, those husky-bright eyes. Unfair. “It always seemed like everyone got the best part of him, and Mom and I were left with the crumbs until I was an adult. That’s what I never wanted to do to you, Ellie. I never wanted you to feel second to my career.”

“I never wanted you to feel that way, either,” she said. “I was really, really careful for that not to be our way. We both were.”

“And it worked.”

“Until it didn’t, apparently.”

“I made a big mistake, Ellie. It was impulsive and stupid, and it will never happen again. Please forgive me.” He reached over and cupped her cheek, his eyes so full of concern. “Please let me make this up to you.”

“Not yet,” she said. “I’m not over it.”

“Don’t leave me,” he whispered. “We can fix this. Please.”

“We’ll see. I want to, Gerald. But I don’t know if I can. I’m not the most forgiving person in the world.”

To her surprise, he laughed. “I know. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Grudge holding.”

“What grudges? I don’t hold grudges.”

“What about Larry?”

“I don’t have a grudge against my brother-in-law. I’ve always hated him. He’s never given me reason to stop.”

He smiled. “How about the little girl who used to bully Winnie? Pushed her off the slide? And her mother told you to stop having kids because you were driving up town taxes.”

“Oh, God. Lorraine Brandowski and her little demon, Oakley. The kids called her Poison Oakley. Winnie needed three stitches. You’re right. I wouldn’t pee on them if they were on fire.”

Gerald chuckled. That history of theirs. That long, rich, wonderful history.

“What if you get bored again?” she whispered, tears rushing back into her eyes. “What if you’re lonely again? How can I believe you, Gerald, when you were thinking of another woman for four months?”

His brows drew together, and his blue eyes were so…shit. They were so sincere. So beautiful. “Faith?” he said. “I hope you’ll think we’re worth a second chance. I really, really hope you’ll think that, Ellie. You’re the love of my life. You are my life.”

The words hit her straight in the heart. “You were on a roll there, but no Hallmark card stuff, okay?”

He quashed a smile, knowing her through and through.

“I’m gonna stay with Joy for the time being,” she said. “I haven’t forgiven you yet. You’ve done damage. It doesn’t just evaporate because you’re sorry.”

“I understand. And I miss you.”

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