Page 42 of Lost In Someone

“Always. We’re in this together.”

Ogilvie is looking at us fondly. “Mr Machin, if you sign these forms, we can get to the fun part.”

“If you think any of this is fun, you have a weird sense of humour.”

“I have every faith that you’re going to embrace your son wholeheartedly. You’ll see why in just a moment.” He picks up his office phone and presses a button. “We’re ready for Milo.”

“Are we ready?” I ask Brodie, who lets out a dry laugh and rubs his hands down his thighs.

“As we’ll ever be.”

The door opens, and a couple around the same age as us comes in.

Ogilvie introduces them as Rachel and Simon. Rachel is carrying a bundle of blue blankets in her arms. “You’re right, Roger. This little one looks just like his daddy.”

She pulls the blanket down a little, and there he is, a tiny version of me. He’s asleep, so I can’t see his eyes, but I bet they’re as blue as mine. Brodie stands next to me, his hand on the small of my back and leans in too. “Oh, he looks just like you.”

The others are talking quietly, but I can’t take my eyes off my son. He’s lovely, his pale face relaxed in sleep, his eyelashes swept onto his chubby cheeks, and his mouth slightly open, the cupid’s bow of his top lip perfectly formed.

“Would you like to hold him?” Rachel asks and holds him out to me.

All nerves disappear as I eagerly take him from her. He nestles neatly in the crook of my arm. The blanket falls open. He’s wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt that says ‘I love my daddies’. The tears I’ve been holding back for days now fall freely down my face.

“Hello, Milo.” I stroke my fingertip over his cheek, and he startles, his arms going up, his mouth opening a little more, but he stays asleep. I laugh through my tears. “I’m going to have to start using hand cream.” I open my hand to show the rough, work-hardened skin.

“He’s such a good boy and sleeps through the night. You know his routine, but don’t worry about changing it. Just try not to do it too quickly. He can be very vocal if he’s hungry or dirty.”

Rachel gently pats Milo’s head. “I’m going to miss this little one. He’s been a joy to look after. There’s a list of things he likes and doesn’t like in his folder. We printed off all the photos we have of him so you can see him from the very beginning.”

Her husband hands Brodie a packed folder with plastic sleeves holding all the information. “His medical record is in the bag too. You’ll need it to register him with your GP as soon as possible.”

Hopefully, Brodie is paying attention to her because I can’t stop looking at the precious bundle—my son. I sniffle again. How callous Kate has been. What the hell was going on in her head to give up her son and to do it in such a clinical way? She could’ve come to me at any time, and we could’ve worked something out. “I feel I’ve missed so much.” I hiccup and sniff. Brodie is right beside me again, his arm around my shoulder. “How could she do this to him?”

“I don’t know, love. She must have her reasons. I can’t work out what they are. Not when you see him.”

“It doesn’t matter. He’s mine—ours—now.”

The world around me ceases to exist as Milo stretches his little limbs and opens his eyes. I was right. They are a brilliant blue, like the Indian Ocean surrounding an atoll. I hold out my hand, and he grabs a finger and grips it tightly.

“Hey there, Milo. I’m your daddy. I’m sorry it took so long to find you.”

He stares at me silently, but when I bend my head to kiss him, he scrunches up his nose and lets out a wail. I’m not surprised he’s crying. I’m a complete stranger.

I rock him gently. “Shush, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.” For the first time, I believe it’s true. We will be okay because this feels so right, having him in my arms feels so right. Love fills my heart and spreads out through my whole body. I’m lost in him. I will move heaven and earth to keep him safe and make him happy.

Brodie puts his hand on my shoulder, kisses my temple, and hugs Milo and me. “You’re doing great,” he whispers as Milo settles and puts his thumb in his mouth.

“Isn’t he amazing?” I tear my eyes away from my son. Brodie’s looking as smitten as I feel.

“He’s wonderful. So adorable. He’s so small.” He beams at me. “Can I hold him?”

“Yes, of course.” I manoeuvre Milo slowly, like he’s made of glass but manage to get him into Brodie’s arms. I can’t take my eyes off the two of them. They look beautiful together, and my heart swells with love again, and tears fall. I need to capture this moment. I fish my phone out of my pocket and take photos of them. Over and over, I click from different angles. Then Simon comes over.

“Do you want me to take some of the three of you?” he asks, and I give him my phone.

I don’t know how many photos he takes. My focus is only on Milo and Brodie as we hold and stare wordlessly at my son. Eventually, Milo gets restless, and I look to Rachel for advice.

“He’s getting hungry and will need changing.”

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