Page 165 of The Dawn of the Cursed Queen

“I have told you a thousand times before that there is no horrible life with you, only without.” His voice was strong and unwavering. Samkiel was a warrior, first and foremost, and this was a fight I knew he would not back down from. “Yes, we fought. People who love each other deeply do that. Yes, you hurt me by lying to me, but I know where that comes from.”

“Stop.” I raised my hands. “Stop making excuses for me. We both know the truth. I am not good for you. We are no good together. My entire existence, ours, is to kill one another.”

“I know what you’re doing, and I hate it.” He stepped forward, and I took another back, maintaining the space between us because I had to. I needed to. He watched it, caught the movement, and his eyes burned hotter than any flame I could summon. “Don’t do that. Don’t you dare shut me out again, not like on Rashearim, not now, not ever.”

“Says the one who shut me out three days ago. You sent me away because you needed time.”

“Yes, because you hurt me.” His voice raised a fraction. “You hurt me, Dianna. I needed time to think, not because I planned on leaving you. I needed time to process and make this for you,” Samkiel said, holding out the ring again.

“Well, I don’t want it.” I spun from him and stormed out of the crumbling building, away from our crumbling future.

“You’re being a coward!” he shouted after me.

My feet stopped abruptly, and I turned back to him. “What?”

“You heard me. You’re a coward. You are afraid of this, and what it means, so you’re doing what you always do. Shutting down, protecting yourself because you think I’ll hurt you. You’re running because this scares you.” He stomped out of the ruined building, the dirt kicking up around his feet. “And you don’t get to run away when you get scared. You don’t get to abandon me when it’s tough, Dianna. Never again.”

My heart hammered in my chest, every word he said breaking down the mountain of steel doors I used to protect the most vulnerable parts of me. He just slammed them all wide open.

“That’s not what I’m doing.” And I was a liar, a godsdamn liar, but Samkiel saw right through all my bullshit with pinpoint precision. “Listen, you were right to send me away, okay? There’s too much between us. We—”

He reached me then and grabbed my arm, dissolving the space I had made between us in an instant. “You promised not to do this. When we were on that damn balcony, you promised that you’d stay no matter what. You promised you’d never abandon me again.”

I pulled away from him, tears in both our eyes. “You ask too much of me, and I don’t know if I can give it.”

Samkiel didn’t back down. “So removing your actual soul is alright, but this? Marriage? Is it too much for you?”

I said nothing, but my breathing turned ragged. The necklace I’d given him on that night shone in the sunlight. He was right. He was always right, but this . . . It was just another proof of his devotion, and I was so fucking afraid. Monsters did not scare me, the dark didn’t send a chill down my spine, and gods, even bugs were not as terrifying as this. Samkiel offering me his whole godsdamn heart terrified me because I knew I’d eventually fuck up again. I’d break him, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

“This.” He held the ring between us, its diamonds shimmering in the setting sun. “This is no matter what.”

“I’ll hurt you.” My voice came out as small and damned as I felt.

“Then hurt me.” Samkiel’s eyes softened, and he stepped closer, his body almost flush with mine. “But don’t leave me.”

The world shook beneath my feet. A rumble so deep it made me stumble. Samkiel caught me, and we turned toward the half-fallen building as a horde of flying creatures erupted from it.

“What is that?”

“A hive,” Samkiel whispered, “and they just woke up.”

The ground split, and we stumbled apart. Fissures tore across the ground, spreading in our direction. Even here, even now, we were being torn apart. The universe was trying to right itself and restore balance. Then there was me, doing the only thing I knew how to do. Leave.

His eyes met mine, and the world shuddered again. The sky darkened, a thick cloud of those creatures blocking out the dying light. I watched in horror as the ground beneath his feet cracked and yawned open, swallowing him whole. And the universe, the hateful, cruel bitch, laughed.

SIXTY-SEVEN

DIANNA

A switch flipped in me as he disappeared beneath the ground. I felt it in my bones. A gaping, aching pit opened up inside me and threatened to consume everything. The world went silent. My form shifted, two legs turning to four. Thick, dark hair sprouted over my body. My jaws lengthened, filled with sharp teeth, and ended in a sensitive nose. My ears flattened against my head as a howl of rage ripped from my throat. I didn’t hesitate to launch myself into the tunnel after him. My large paws beat against the ground, my claws digging into the dirt, propelling me faster.

I was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, and beyond that, I was a godsdamned liar. I could pretend I knew what was best for us, pretend that leaving was better, but I was a liar to him and, above all, myself. The physical pain I’d felt when Samkiel disappeared into the ground in front of me was nearly as bad as when death ripped my soul in two. It threw me right back to that moment, to the anguish of holding him in my arms as he died.

I knew I’d burn oceans to mist, skies to dust, and worlds to rubble to keep him near. Love was too dull of a word for what I felt for him and one I hated to say. It meant nothing. I understood now why they had stories of losing an amata and why Logan was feral when he felt Neverra in Yejedin. I understood now and knew the true loss of another’s soulmate was one of the worst pains known in any realm.

It was not sharp or piercing but an agony that melted your bones, seared your flesh, and carved a hole so deep into you that you’d pray for a quick death to be with them. So no, it was not love. It was more necessary, like air in my lungs, blood in my veins. It wasn’t just a nebulous emotion that came and went on a whim. This bond was a near-physical thing, tangible and constant.

I sprinted through the labyrinth of tunnels, ripping and tearing into every insect creature crawling or flying after me. Gore marred my jaws and teeth, but it only fueled my rage. I’d tear apart anything that got in my way without a second thought. I couldn’t explain the feeling that burned in my chest and crawled through my being. There were no limits I would not breach for him. I had ripped him from death. These things would not take him from me.

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