Page 214 of The Dawn of the Cursed Queen

“That’s different. I was . . . very sad and very lonely, and it was the only thing that helped me feel something, or so I thought. The feeding? Yes, it makes you stronger, but you don’t have to be a killer like me. And the sex? It was meaningless. You’re right about that. All I did was hurt Samkiel, which you know was my intention. I wanted to drive him away, proving to myself that it was never real, that it never meant anything. I wanted him to hate me like I hated myself, maybe even punish me. All I was doing, though, was lying to myself and trying to bury my feelings. I loved him before Gabby died, and I blamed him and myself for her death. I truly believed my love for him was what killed her. Of course, it wasn’t. It was the psychopath that turned you, ruled by another psychopath who wants to rule the realms. So no, it doesn’t help.”

I studied her, feeling a deep kinship snap into place between us. Dianna understood. “I hate myself.”

“Why?”

Words bubbled in my throat, wanting to spill out. They burned and begged for freedom and freedom I would give them. Dianna had to admit so much to heal, and it was time I started.

“Because I got his sister killed.”

As soon as those words left my lips, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. It was as if keeping it to myself for so long had trapped me in a pit of self-hatred. It had been stupid and foolish, putting us all at risk.

Her brows drew together. “What?”

“It was way before The Hand formed, way before I was friends with anyone.” I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. “That’s my dirty secret, and Kaden used it against me. I got Xavi’s sister killed because I stayed out too late. Instead of going on the mission with Athos, I wanted to sleep off my hangover. They sent Kryella and her team instead, and . . . Maybe I was always meant to be Ig’Morruthen. It’s the only thing that feels right now, and I guess that’s how you feel at times, too.”

Dianna held my gaze and said, “I won’t lie. I do feel more myself when I turn. Knowing I have the power to protect the ones I loved was a dream come true, and I reveled in it. But, Cameron, you didn’t kill his sister. You were young and drunk and wanted to sleep in. So what? You had no idea what would happen, nor could you predict it. Stop blaming yourself, and if you love him, fight for him. Regardless of what happened between you two, I know he would fight for you.”

Her words touched on the broken, damaged pieces of me. The ones I covered with humor, laughter, and words to make others happy while I felt like I was dying inside. She was right on some level. I knew that, but I could never forgive myself. Xavier lost the most important person to him, and it was my fault. Maybe he was better off without me. That was why I never told him how I truly felt. How could I? Our whole friendship was built on my guilt. I loved a man who I had damned. I was the definition of fucked up.

I shook my head, wrapping my hands across my knees. “I feel so guilty.”

“It wasn’t intentional,” she said.

“My friendship with him was,” I said, wrapping my arms around my legs. Even the pull of the still-healing burns didn’t match the pain in my chest. “He was so sad, Dianna. I just wanted to make it better, and I did, but . . . I can never tell him. He’ll hate me.”

She raised a single brow at me. “Let’s save him first, then you decide what he needs to know. But trust me when I say that lying will only hurt you both more.”

The corners of my lips lifted in a sad smile. It was so strange to see how much she had changed. She had been a being of pure rage and wrath, and now here she was, comforting me and giving me relationship advice. Samkiel had really helped her, but he had always seen her. He had been right all along. We never knew the real her before she lost her sister. Dianna was always a protector. Now, she had the firepower to back it up.

“Does the speech-giving come from you two finally being together?” I asked.

“Maybe.” Dianna smiled, one that made her eyes light up and not with the red of her beast, although I suspected her Ig’Morruthen felt the same. But what I saw in her gaze was pure, unadulterated love. “Samkiel’s good. He always has been, just like Gabby. They see the good in everyone and everything, and if I say I love them, I have to try to be worthy of them. So, I try every day to live up to the person they see when they look at me. At least a mild attempt. Though the truth is, I am lucky to have known what it means to be loved by them, and I will do anything to protect him.”

A smile tugged at my lips. “You’ve said you love him twice now. Have you guys . . .?”

The atmosphere in the room changed, and the smile that suffused her face was one I had never seen from her before. It was a pure, radiant joy.

“Oh, even better.” She lifted her hand and wiggled a single finger. A ring shone there, shining even in the darkened cell. I recognized the stone and knew it was only formed from molten rock. I wondered if he had told her.

“No fucking way.” I gasped and jumped to my feet. Ignoring the pain screaming through my every nerve, I stepped closer. “Does that mean what I think it does?”

She nodded and looked at the ring like it meant more than the world to her. “Yes, I lost our amata mark when I brought him back to life.”

“What?” I exclaimed.

Dianna waved her hand. “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later, but he decided this was the next best thing.”

I shook my head, trying to process everything she just told me. “I knew you guys were fucking mates. No one else could handle him, honestly. The man has an ego.”

She threw her head back and laughed, and I joined her. Warmth spread across my chest, knowing he had finally found the one thing he had been searching for all his life. A wave of sadness followed because I remembered placing a bet on it with Xavier before everything went to shit. I wished he was here because I just fucking missed him.

She smiled. “You’re not wrong about that.”

“Where?” I asked, fumbling over the words. I wanted every single detail. We all had wanted Samkiel to be happy, truly happy, and now he finally was. They both were. “Where?”

“We actually had the ceremony here.” She glanced around. “I’ll show you the rest of the castle when you’re free.”

“Wait until the others hear. They are going to . . .” I stopped when her smile dropped.

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