Page 74 of Before I Loved You

“The ones that fawn over you at your games or when you’re out in public. When I went to your game, two cheerleaders thought they were going home with you that night. And then, when we all went to that new bar, a group of girls just flocked to you at the table like you were a celebrity.”

I sigh. “I won’t lie to you and say that doesn’t happen because it does—a lot. But I genuinely do not give one shit about those other girls,” I state firmly.

“You don’t?”

I shake my head. “You’re the only girl that’s taken up space in my head. Night and day.” My lips land on her temple. “Playing basketball professionally and being known for having a famous father will, unfortunately, keep me in the spotlight. Girls will see my name and the dollar bill signs but they don’t see me. The real me. That guy I reserve only for you.”

She studies me momentarily, taking in my confession before simply snuggling beside me, pulling the blanket up around us, and hitting play on the movie.

“Paul?”

“Yeah, baby girl?”

“Do you really have a collection of lightsabers?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell Nate. He thinks I only have two.”

We both laugh, and it feels like maybe, just maybe, I’ve broken a piece of the indestructible wall she keeps up around her heavily guarded heart.

seventeen

SARAH

My clammy palms grip the leather wheel as my stomach twists into a thousand knots. I rest my forehead against the smooth steering wheel, idling in the street out front of Paul’s family home, or more like mansion, surrounded by a pristine metal gate and perfectly trimmed bushes slightly covered by last night’s dusting of snow.

What am I doing here?

I won’t fit in with these people. I know I won’t because Paul has two things that I’ll never have.

Money.

And a family.

Paul offered to drive me, but I didn’t want to risk appearing as more than friends to his family, so I told him I’d meet him here. Besides, I wasn’t lying when I told him I wanted to take things slow because I had things to figure out. Things like how to get Greyson to end his blackmailing tirade over me. There has to be a way. I know there is. I just haven’t been able to figure it out yet.

But I will.

I just need time.

And once I figure it out, I’ll be able to tell Paul everything.

And I mean everything—no more lying.

The wrath I’ll face from Paul for holding out on this information will be understandable, but I did it for both of us. Actually, make that the three of us. And I hope he’ll be able to forgive me.

I internally shake my head, knowing this isn’t the time to think about this. Instead, I need to focus on the task at hand: Thanksgiving dinner with Paul’s family.

My stomach recoils, nerves eating away at me. I can’t even remember the last time I celebrated Thanksgiving.

My mom always taught me never to arrive empty-handed, which is why there is a pathetic-looking pumpkin pie sitting on the seat beside me. It was the only thing I could afford with my bills getting bigger and bigger after each doctor appointment and each new thing I was learning online that I needed to buy to be ready for a baby.

My chest tightens as the daily financial panic plays out in my head, reminding me that I won’t be able to do this.

I’m going to fail.

Even with my lists, spreadsheets, and binders, it’s inevitable. Because if I can barely afford to take care of myself, how am I going to—

Tap. Tap.

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