Page 67 of Before I Loved You

This room has the perfect view of the entire court, and I have it all to myself. Off to the side, I spot a fold-up metal chair and drag it toward the window, making myself as comfortable as possible.

Gazing down from this height, you’d think I’d have an issue differentiating which player is Paul. But the man stands out like a sore thumb as he controls the ball, dribbling down the court. I’m hypnotized as he runs back and forth, making shot after shot.

My eyes catch on the scoreboard, finding that Linrey University is up by twenty points, all thanks to Paul, who is playing incredibly tonight.

But Paul doesn’t play like this occasionally.

This is how he plays all the time.

He’s a born leader and a natural talent on the court.

And I’m certain his dad would be proud of him if he were here now, watching him play.

I know he struggles with seeing himself as more than just the last name on his jersey, not feeling worthy enough to wear it, but to me, he’s always been more than a name.

He’s the guy who has my heart, even if I refuse to admit it out loud.

I reach for my phone in my coat pocket and scroll to the last message I received from Paul after our date almost a week ago.

Paul

I had a really nice time tonight. I hope you did, too. The offer still stands for a second date, so just let me know, and I’ll make that happen for you.

It killed me not to text him back.

That night was the best night of my life. Well, it’s tied with our first night together, of course.

But nothing can happen between us. I gave him the one date he asked for, and that’s all I could risk giving him.

A tear rolls down my cheek, and I hastily wipe it away.

This is all my fault.

I should have known better.

I internally shake my head, feeling overwhelmed at being here, watching the man I love from afar, knowing that’s all…

Hold up. What did I say?

The man I love…

No. No. No.

I can’t love him.

Because if I love him, it will only make this hurt even worse. It will make things messy and complicated.

I can’t…

I sigh, shaking my head as more tears escape down my cheeks.

But I do.

I love him with everything I have.

My heart thuds in my chest as I place my palm against it, willing myself to breathe in and out.

What am I going to do?

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