Page 5 of Before I Loved You

Some guy I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for the past month.

And some guy who gave me the best sex of my life.

The best night of my life, if I’m being honest.

I look up at the ceiling toward the “Big Man” upstairs.

“Well played, sir. You got me. Lesson learned. No more one-night stands for me.”

I throw my hands in the air, jutting out my middle fingers in frustration before turning to my closet to grab a black T-shirt to wear over my black lace bra. I reach for a pair of denim shorts on the floor and throw those on, too, before sliding my feet into a pair of black sneakers. Throwing my long, dark hair in a pony, I take one final look in the mirror and then make my way out of my apartment, ready to end this little nightmare.

Because there is no way that I’m pregnant.

* * *

“You’re pregnant,” Dr. Martin, the obstetrician, says matter-of-factly, looking over the test results in her hands.

“Are you sure there’s no way it could be wrong?” I ask, praying for a sliver of a chance it could be negative. “Aren’t there like false positives all the time?”

“Afraid not,” she responds. “Your blood work shows a high level of hCG, the hormone produced during pregnancy.”

“But we used a condom,” I complain as though it’s her fault I’m in this predicament.

“I’m afraid condoms are only ninety-eight percent effective when not used with another form of contraception like the pill or an IUD. And when not used correctly, the effectiveness drops to eighty-five percent.” She places her clipboard on the counter, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well, they should put that in a big, bold font on the front of the box,” I mumble, anxiously biting my bottom lip.

Dr. Martin pushes her glasses to the top of her head over her short, auburn hair and gives me a sympathetic smile. “I’m going to take a wild guess and say this wasn’t planned?”

“Gee, what gave it away?” I ask with sarcasm dripping from my voice. I sigh and lean back on the awkward table with stirrups at one end, planting the palms of my hands into my eyes. “Sorry. No. This was definitely not planned.”

She rolls her little stool closer to me and takes a seat. “And the father?”

I drop my hands to my sides and let out a long breath, shaking my head.

It’s my own fault.

“Any family?” she asks.

My throat tightens as I shake my head again.

It’s just me.

There’s no way I’m discussing my family or lack thereof right now. All it will get me is a look of pity, and I don’t think I can handle one of those looks at the moment.

“You know, there are options for you.” She opens a drawer, digs around, and then extends her arm toward me, handing me a few brochures. The top one reads, Adoption. Is it for me? My stomach immediately coils into tight, guilty knots. She then pushes a thick packet into my hands titled Hello, New Mom, containing all the essential information needed to have a baby. “Why don’t you take these home and do some research? Think about what feels best for you and the baby.”

I give her a tight lip smile, trying to rein in the overwhelming urge to cry.

“Call us when you’re ready to schedule your next appointment, and we’ll take it one step at a time. I know it might feel like you’re alone, but there’s a whole team of amazing doctors here who will do everything they can to help you through this.” She smiles warmly, like a loving mother, and my heart constricts.

“Thank you,” I choke out, holding in the tears.

She stands and walks out, giving me the room to myself. And that’s when the tears rain down, cascading over my cheeks. I look down at the floral tattoo pattern covering my left arm as my finger traces the lily located right over the inside of my wrist.

My mom’s favorite flower.

I take a deep breath and look out the far window, noting the ominous grey clouds producing big rain droplets, mirroring my tears.

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