Page 39 of Before I Loved You

I collapse on my couch, staring at the ceiling, trying not to let the impending doom of having no money and a baby growing inside my belly get to me, but it’s pretty much impossible.

My eyes blur as tears threaten to spill out, and my hand rubs my stomach softly in soothing circles. “We’ll be okay. I’ll figure everything out. I promise I will.”

My phone vibrates inside my bag, so I pull it out.

Natalie

Hey, Sarah! Tomorrow night, a few of us are going to the new bar that opened near campus. Please come!

I stare at the screen, feeling unsure.

It’s not like I have money to spend. But I guess water won’t break the bank.

And I really could use a night out with some friends.

But what if Paul’s there?

You know, the man who rubbed your back as you hurled your dinner in the toilet the other night and then proceeded to stay the night, holding you tucked into his arms, making you feel a warmth you’d never experienced. And the same man who then went out of his way to pick up things for you in case you still weren’t feeling great.

Why does this man have to be so nice to me?

It’s not something I’m used to, and it’s making it harder and harder for me to stay away from him when I know it’s risking messing everything up…

And I won’t be responsible for ruining Paul’s career when he deserves the whole goddamn world.

I won’t do it.

Rereading Natalie’s text, I chew on my thumbnail, weighing my options. The odds of Greyson being at the same bar as me in this city, with thousands of bars to choose from, are minuscule and practically impossible.

And if I’m being honest with myself…I want to see Paul.

I want the overwhelming, comforting feeling of safety that surrounds me like a warm blanket when I’m in his presence.

My throat burns as the tip of my nose tingles.

I fucking need him, and I wish I could tell him that. I wish I could tell him everything.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take a deep breath.

I’m so tired of feeling alone all the damn time.

My fingers hover over the screen, hoping I won’t regret my decision.

Sarah

Count me in!

* * *

I’m squished between Jason and Vanessa when we pull up to the bar in Nate’s car, seeing a line forming outside the entrance, which we eagerly join.

“There he is,” Nate announces, looking over my head.

I cautiously turn, already knowing who he is referring to.

A part of me feels nervous that Greyson will show up at this exact moment, causing me to glance around warily, but there’s no sign of him, so I tell myself for the hundredth time tonight not to worry.

Everything will be okay.

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