Page 21 of Before I Loved You

I reach for my sketchbook and a charcoal pencil in my bag and place the pad against the top of my thighs, now positioned like a makeshift easel. My eyes wait for the sun to hit just the right spot over the distant buildings across the water, and when it finally does, my hand begins to move fluidly across the page in a rampant state, hoping to beat the light before it dissipates into darkness.

This is the moment that I refer to as getting in the zone.

It’s when everything around me dims into nothing more than a shadowed mist, and all I see is the image before me that I replicate on the paper.

I do this to shut off my brain when things are slightly overwhelming and uncertain, and it all begins to feel like too much.

Like when you find out you’re pregnant and have no idea who the father is, but then find out who he is and spend the next week trying to think of how you’re going to tell him. You had to use most of the available balance on your emergency credit card to order all the necessary items for a nursery because your checking account is inching closer to the negative. And on top of all that, your boss’s son plans to make your life a living hell, and you have no idea how to escape his cruel grasp.

As I mentioned…overwhelming.

“Is this seat taken?”

I let out a quiet gasp, abruptly drop my pencil and sketchbook, and slap my hand to my chest as my eyes look up at…Paul.

The man I was searching for stands before my very eyes for the second time in a matter of days as though being handed to me on a silver platter.

The world certainly has a cruel sense of humor.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He throws his hands in the air defensively, displaying an adorable yet apologetic grin.

Paul’s deep voice resonates in my mind, bringing back delicious memories of words whispered in my ears…

I internally shake my head, blinking a few times to escape my thoughts. “Sorry. Just caught me off guard.” I smile and pat the space beside me. “It’s all yours.”

He appears relieved and sits, stretching out his longer-than-life legs, making my usually long legs appear short.

“So you’re Sarah,” he says with a charming smile.

“And you’re Paul,” I add, playfully nudging the side of his arm with my shoulder. “I have to say, you were pretty smooth at our introduction.”

He laughs, dragging the palm of his large hand over his stubble. “Yeah, well, I didn’t think everyone should know we already technically met.”

My cheeks heat up as my eyes linger on his hand. His fingers are so long and thick, powerful and skilled. The memory alone of what those fingers are capable of has me clamping my thighs together, repressing the dull ache in my core.

His eyes glance over at my sketchbook, thankfully unaware of the obscene images floating across my mind. “What are you drawing?”

“Oh.” I pick it up, showing him the sunset I was in the middle of shading. It’s nothing impressive. The shadows seem a bit off, and I should have—

“You drew that? Just now?” he asks, with widened eyes.

“Well, yeah. I know the shading isn’t accurate, but I just—”

“It’s perfect.” He cuts me off, appearing mesmerized by the sketch in my hands. “May I?” He holds out his hand, and I hesitantly give him the sketchbook. His eyes look from the paper to the sunset before us. “It’s identical to the real thing. You even got the trees just right. This is amazing.” He gives it back to me, and I place it on my other side, hiding it from view, suddenly feeling self-conscious of my work.

“Thanks,” I say, twirling a piece of my hair.

“But can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

“Why draw a sunset with a grey pencil?”

I shrug, looking across the water. “Sometimes it’s easier to see the world in black and white. Too many colors can make things…”

“Overwhelming?” he offers as though reading my mind.

“Yeah.” I look out at the sun, which is still slowly setting. It won’t be much longer until it completely disappears, welcoming darkness.

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