Page 10 of Before I Loved You

“I’ve tried. I’ve tried absolutely everything.” My fingers grip the side of the boat as I lean back, gazing up at the clear sky. “I’ve gone back to the bar several times. I’ve searched aimlessly through campus. I’ve even gone through the campus website, searching for her damn eyes when I don’t even know if she’s a student here.” My eyes pinch shut. “I’ve looked for her every night since then, but I think it’s time for me to accept defeat at this point.”

“Every night?” Nate questions.

“Every. Damn. Night.”

“Last call!” the bartender shouts as he flicks the lights on.

I swirl the remaining amber liquid in my glass before finishing it off, relishing the burn that travels down my throat. Every taste reminds me of that night—of her.

“You’re sure you haven’t seen anyone that resembles the description I just gave you? Long, black hair. Perfect green eyes. Floral tattoos covering her arms.” I tilt my head toward the bartender, waiting for his response.

He sighs, shaking his head. “Like I’ve told you almost every night for the past month, I’ve seen thousands of girls coming in and out of this place. At this point, they all look the same to me.” The bartender wipes down the counter before throwing the rag over his shoulder. “You’re a good-looking guy. I’m sure the ladies must love your height, so trust me when I say there’s someone else out there for you. Stop wasting your time on finding some girl.” He lifts a container of dishes from the sink and disappears into the back room.

Sighing heavily, I pull a couple of bills out of my wallet and place them on the counter before turning to leave. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve escaped here, searching for her. The girl with no name.

And every night, I leave here with a dull, hopeless ache in the center of my chest.

Maybe the bartender was right. Maybe I should just give up.

But I’ve never been a quitter. And I won’t start that shit now.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I yell over my shoulder, knowing he can’t hear me but not giving a damn.

I’m not giving up on finding her.

Because how can you give up on finding the one person in a world of over seven billion people who somehow makes you feel not so alone anymore?

You can’t.

“I’m sorry, man.” Nate nudges my hand, bringing me out of my memory with another cold can of beer that I gladly take. “Maybe she’ll turn up when you least expect it.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” I know she won’t. I don’t have that kind of luck. “I just… For a fleeting moment, I thought I might have what you and Natalie have.”

Nate and Natalie.

The couple of all couples.

Nate shakes his head. “You will, Paul,” he says adamantly. “I know you will.”

I tug on the silver chain dangling against my chest, twisting it around my finger. “Maybe it’s the beer talking, but I guess I’ve just been feeling lonely. You’ve got Natalie. Jason’s got Vanessa.”

Nate’s brows shoot up to his hairline.

“Don’t kid yourself. Jason and Vanessa will be together before the end of the semester, mark my words.”

It’s no secret that Jason, Natalie’s younger brother, is in love with her best friend, Vanessa.

But the only one who doesn’t know that yet is Jason.

Nate chuckles, clutching the brim of his hat. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“And then there’s me.” I lie back on the bench, staring at two seagulls flying over us, closely together. Even the damn birds have found love. “And for one night, being with that girl didn’t make me feel so alone anymore. I felt…whole.”

For one night, I felt like I had found my person.

And I know that sounds ridiculous, especially when I had never believed in love at first sight.

Never even believed in finding my happily ever after.

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