Page 45 of Before I Loved You

“I was looking for you.”

Her brows furrow in confusion. “When? Tonight?”

I shake my head. “Every night for a month after our night together until the very moment you walked into Natalie’s apartment. The moment I saw those big green eyes staring back at me was when I felt a weight lift from my chest because I finally found you.”

She shakes her head, scrunching her face in confusion, her bottom lip slightly trembling. “I don’t understand. Why would you look for me? I’m no one important. You’re the guy going into the NBA. You can have any girl you want.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Clearly, I can’t.”

She gazes down, biting her bottom lip as a tear slides down her porcelain cheek. “If any part of you truly cares for me, even the tiniest bit, then you would stay away from me. You would look for some other girl to keep your bed warm.” Tears rain down her cheeks as she wipes them away. “Because it’s not me.”

My fingers gently brush her tears away. “Why are you fighting this? I know it wasn’t just me that night who felt something, so why are you trying so hard to push me away?”

“You don’t understand!” she snaps, her chest heaving from releasing those words.

“Then tell me, Sarah,” I coax softly. “I’m here now. Tell me what is holding you back. Tell me why you’ve put up a damn wall between us.”

She throws her hands over her face as a sob overtakes her. “I can’t.” With shaking fingers, she unbuckles her seat belt. “I can’t do this.” And then she bolts out of the passenger door faster than I can comprehend what the fuck is going on.

“Shit!” I struggle with my seat belt before flinging it off. “Sarah, wait!”

I jump out of my car and follow her into the woods, where I find her holding her heels in one hand and bracing her other hand against a tree as she bends down, breathing erratically, gasping for air.

“Please…leave me…alone, Paul,” she pants.

I immediately know what’s happening, and I’m not going anywhere.

“You’re having a panic attack,” I say calmly, taking small steps toward her.

“No. I’m not,” she bites out, dropping her shoes to the ground. Both of her hands press into her chest.

I shake my head—this woman.

“You are. I know you are…because I have them, too,” I admit, hoping that opening up to her might be enough to put a crack in that wall.

She looks up at me with glossy eyes and mascara running down her face. “You do?”

“Yes.” I sit on the ground, lean against the rough tree bark behind me, and carefully pull her onto my lap. Her shoulder rests against my chest, and her long, gorgeous legs drape across my thighs.

“I can’t…I can’t breathe,” she pants, and the tears streaming down her cheeks instantly break my heart.

“You can, baby girl. I’m right here. Everything is going to be okay.” I rub my hand up and down her back and take her shaking hand in my other one, placing it firmly against my chest. “Feel the movement of my chest, Sarah. With every breath I take, I want you to take one too. Can you do that for me?”

She slightly nods.

I inhale slowly, holding it in for a few seconds, and then slowly exhale. She mirrors my breathing the whole time.

“You’re doing so good, Sarah. Let’s do it a couple more times, okay?”

She nods again, and eventually, after a few more times following my breaths, her breathing begins to even out, and her body relaxes in my hold.

I push the hair away from her face, looking into my favorite green eyes. “Are you okay?” My thumb wipes at the remaining tears and smeared mascara under her eyes.

She curls her fingers into my shirt. “Yeah. I’m sorry. That’s never happened to me before. I don’t ever cry in front of people. Like ever.”

“It’s okay to cry. It doesn’t mean I think less of you. If anything, it just lets me know how you’re feeling. And right now, it seems you have a lot going on upstairs.” I tap the top of her head. “Maybe too much for one person to manage.”

She tilts her chin down and suddenly buries her head in my chest. “I think you’re right.”

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