Page 138 of Before I Loved You

I don’t know how I’ll ever get over losing the two most important people in my life.

I don’t know if I’ll ever fully be okay again.

Eventually, when all the tears have fallen and my breathing evens out, I release the man from my grip, wiping my eyes.

“Thank you,” I murmur. The teddy bear sits on my lap, and I bring it to my chest, hugging him tightly, holding on to him like he’s my lifeline.

The man smiles, wiping his tears. “What are you going to name him?”

I think it over before, confidently saying, “Teddy.”

He mulls it over, tossing his head from side to side. “I like it.”

“Oh, there you are!” Valerie, the woman who runs this place, walks into the room. “We were looking for you.” Her eyes spot the bear in my hands. “And who do we have here?”

I peek at the man beside me before I reply, “Teddy.”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Teddy,” Valerie says. “We were just getting the afternoon lunch set up. Do you want to come out and join the other children?”

I shake my head. “I’m not really hungry. Is it okay if I come out later?”

She gives a small smile. “Of course.” Looking between me and the man, she asks, “Would you mind taking a picture together? The snow in the background is just so beautiful.”

“Absolutely,” the man responds. “If it’s okay with this sweet girl.”

I smile and nod, leaning in toward him.

I face Valerie, who pulls out a camera and snaps a quick shot. “Perfect!” She pockets the camera into her green dress. “Join us when you’re ready, Sarah. I don’t want you missing out on all the good food,” she says warmly before turning and leaving the room.

“It really is good food,” the man adds, rubbing his stomach. “I think I should join them before it’s all gone. Want me to get you a plate?”

I shake my head. “Can you do something for me instead?”

“Of course.”

“Can you tell Santa I say thank you for sending you to me?”

He sucks in his bottom lip, appearing like he might cry again. But instead, he clears his throat and says, “I’ll pass the message along.” He stands, looking down at me. “Don’t give up, sweet girl. Things will get better. And one day, everything will fall into place as it was meant to be. I promise.”

I smile, watching as he walks away and turns the corner out of view, wondering if we’ll ever meet again.

* * *

“What’s wrong, baby girl?”

I shake my head as my memory fades away. Wetness coats my cheeks as I look up to find Paul watching me from the doorway.

“Oh, nothing.” I wipe hastily at my face.

Paul walks over to me, sits beside me, and wraps his arm around my waist. “Talk to me.”

I let out a deep breath. “This is where I spent my first Christmas without my parents.” I shrug. “It was just bringing up a lot of emotions. And I needed to walk out of that room before I started crying in front of the kids. Fucking hormones.” I attempt to fake a smile, but I know Paul will see right through it, so I stop myself, letting my true emotions show.

Paul’s hand finds mine. “This was the foster home you lived in?”

“Yeah. I grew up just a few towns over from here, so this was where I was first sent for a couple of years before I started my journey through the foster care system. I spent a lot of time on this bench.” I pat the space beside me. “I was just flipping through this photo album when I found a picture of me.” I hold out the photo for Paul to see. “It just brought back a memory. Hence the tears.” I smile, looking up at Paul, but his face appears paralyzed.

“Paul?” I try to remove the picture from his sight, but he grips my wrist. “What’s wrong?”

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